Dear Abby: I want to go back to school

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: I am a single parent of four children ages 5 to 13. I want to go back to school to better myself and make a better life for them because I am raising them on my own. I keep putting off going back because something always comes up. I'm afraid if I keep this up, then I'll never do it and will live with regret for the rest of my life.

I don't have a stable support system, and I work full time, so I'm also worried about having no time for my children, although I hardly have any now. Most days I feel like a bad parent and want to cry. What would you recommend I do? Can you help me push myself? -- WANTS NO REGRETS

DEAR WANTS NO REGRETS: Set goals for yourself. Explore career counseling at your nearest community college and ask for guidance about child care options. When you do, ask if you can take one or two classes a semester, rather than a full course load, and if any of the classes you need are held online. That way, you won't be spending a lot of time away from your children, and at the same time you'll be setting an example for them to follow about the importance of education.

Comments

[cereta]

Go, Abby, for mentioning community colleges. Of course you can take a course or two a semester. LW, students like you are why professors like me chose community colleges as our life's work. I can't vouch for every teacher, but some of us will bend over backwards to help a student succeed when that student is really giving it their all. Also, consider online and hybrid courses. You can do it.

Also, to the person in the comments who said that she should have thought of this before having kids, and that now "[her] life [is] over" (no, literally, the comment said, "You should have used better judgement and birth control when you were younger. Now your life is over."), I have a whole lot of single parents in my classes who'd like a word with you.

[recessional]

*lights that person on FIRE*

And yeah, actually, Abby's advice is about as good as you can expect in an advice column on a general question - like, with more specific details and so on you could tailor it better, but that's down to things like even "okay are you part of an organized religion and do they maybe have childcare options/connections to a community network that could help out?" (I know a couple of the smaller United churches around here try to help out finding/arranging childcare options etc.) But that requires way more depth than is part of an advice column obvs.

[cereta]

*nods* Hopefully, the counselors and advisers at the school will be aware of alternatives like that. Mine has actually been begging students to apply for scholarships. But yes, there are places she can look to for help. For that matter, she should consult a family attorney, and see what her child support options are.

[vass]

Of course you can take a course or two a semester.

*is bitter* I've been trying to study recently at a university that offers online courses, and they've structured their degree in such a way that there are four terms per year, and a full course load is eight subjects per year, two per term.

So it's literally not possible to do less than half a full course load in any one term that you're studying at all.

For disability reasons, that is more than I can manage. A quarter of a course load would be about right for me.

I'm negotiating with their disability unit for the accommodation of taking one subject over two terms, but I'm not holding my breath. :(

[cereta]

Arg, that's appalling. I mean, really, really appalling.

I should have clarified: because Abby mentioned community colleges, I assumed the "a class or two at a time" was in that context, and if there's a CC that has a policy that makes you unable to take one class at a time, I'd be stunned. That's one of the things we're for, you know?

[vass]

*nodnod* The uni I did my bachelor's at had two semesters, not four terms, a full load was four subjects (or 50 credits -- some subjects had more or fewer credits) per semester, and of course you could do just one. But it seems like these days more and more unis are moving to a more intense delivery model, which I assume is cheaper for the university. :(

[xenacryst]

And on top of the good advice about career counseling and community colleges and asking about good child care, go you for wanting to learn stuff! Anything! I assume you've got some ideas of what you'd like to do, but in any case, just going and throwing yourself into a place where you explore and learn and think new things is exciting and wonderful, and go you for wanting to do that!

[amadi]

I appreciate Abby's focus on the educational portion of the letter, but "I don't have a stable support system" and "most days I want to cry" leapt out at me. Before taking on the additional challenge of college on top of solo parenting and work, I would have advised this lady to get some additional social support, be that from a parenting group, from being honest with friends and family about needing it, from her religious community if she has one, or somewhere. Because she needs people around her to help her carry her existing burden before she adds anything else, like classes, to a plate that seems to be overly full and close to being dropped altogether already.