agonyaunt | (no subject)

Dear Carolyn: Several months ago, my wife informed me she wanted to hire a house cleaner, saying she was tired of the mess, tired of feeling overworked and tired of fighting with me about chore division. A week later, a maid arrived at our house. I find it incredibly stressful. I worry that the maids aren’t careful with our things, that they might peek at our private documents, and that all in all this is a ridiculous expense ($300 a month!) that could better go elsewhere, though my wife said this is what she wanted to spend her entire annual raise on. When the maids leave, I’m fried, but I admit that my wife does seem much happier. I still wish she could just relax and lower her standards a little, but … am I the one who has to get over this?

— Fried

Fried: Why don’t you just relax and lower your standards a little?

You're the one who's unhappy.

If you don't like that idea, then do the same job yourself that the cleaners do. Same schedule, producing the same results. Charge your wife $290.

If you don't like that idea, then work up a good argument for why it's better for your spouse to be mess-fatigued, overworked and fighting with you on an endless loop than for you to take a few minutes to secure the stuff you're nervous about.

I'll wait.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2021/08/04/carolyn-hax-wife-housecleaner-frustrated-expense-relationship/