"Where’s my diamond?" [but really, where's the "wonderful?"] -- Dear Prudence

[colorwheel]

Q. Where’s my diamond? I’ve been with my partner for nine years, living together for eight. I was married before and feel I should be fine to not do that again, but I’m also really wanting him to propose. I’m 41 so it feels silly to want the whole ring and splashy proposal again. He’s so committed to our life together, emotionally intelligent and available—an overall fantastic guy.

Nevertheless, I’ve brought up getting engaged a few times but he still seems hesitant. The reason he’s given me for his hesitation is my lack of commitment to stay in shape (true), which is super important to him but it hurts me that that could be a big enough reason for him. I’ve worked really hard in finding strength to express and prioritize my wants and needs and feel that I deserve to have this, but am conflicted at the same time!

Should I keep bringing it up, or get over it and be grateful for a wonderful partner and leave it at that?


**

A: Oh God, I don’t care about the proposal. I care about you getting out of a relationship with someone who has basically said he won’t want to be with you if your body changes. I hope I’m not the first person to tell you that his position means he a) doesn’t really love you and b) will make you miserable as you get older, or get sick, and especially if you get pregnant (if that’s in the plan). He’s done you a favor by dragging his feet. Gather every ounce of self love you have— ask friends and a therapist for help finding it if you need to—and leave him.

Comments

[colorwheel]

LW! your partner is not wonderful!

[purlewe]

LW, he might be better than the last person you were with, but that does not make him a good partner for you. RUN.

[cereta]

Oh, my dear fucking God, he has flat-out told you he will leave you if you do not live up to his physical standards (and I promise you, sooner or later, you won't). Get out get out get out, while you can still control how.

[colorwheel]

my icon says hello to your icon.

[cereta]

Eeee! I miss reading this book to my no-longer-tiny-one.

[jadelennox]

My icon is coming out to play.

[colorwheel]

best icon thread!

[conuly]

If it weren't for his ridiculous reason for not proposing, I'd normally say that *she* could propose.

But ugh. Fuck that.

[purlewe]

yeah I started leaning this way and then NOPE.

[azurelunatic]

This is not a fantastic guy.
It might be easier to express and prioritize your wants and needs with someone who cares about you as a person and not just as a decorative physique.

[xenacryst]

Holy red flags, Batman. They couldn't be much redder.

[topaz_eyes]

Run now and do not look back.

[mommy]

I was wondering why she couldn't do the proposing instead, and then that happened. I hope LW follows this advice and dumps this jerk.