Dear Prudence: Should I Challenge A Woman Who Implied I Was Racist?

[minoanmiss]

Q. Retort to a rude comment:I asked a familiar-looking, elegant woman at the gym if her name was Maria, an old and well-liked acquaintance I had not seen for years. I am a white woman, the person I asked was Hispanic. She replied, “No, my name is Vangie. We all look alike.” I was PO’d, and I want to challenge her regarding all the assumptions she engaged in when making that reply next time I see her. Should I just let it drop?

A: Buddy. Guy. Chief. Do not compound your rudeness by “challenging” this woman for telling you her real name. The person who made assumptions here was you. The person who was rude was you. (If you’re that unsure whether your elegant gym compatriot is a total stranger or an old acquaintance, try “I’m so sorry, but you look familiar to me—is it possible that we’ve met somewhere?” rather than “Hey, you seem elegant. Are you Maria?”) You got caught looking foolish and low-key racist, and now you’re embarrassed, and you want to blame the other woman for your feelings; just acknowledge that you messed up, and don’t start a fight with another member of your gym because she wasn’t willing to pretend to be someone you knew once in order to help you save face.