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My 11-year-old daughter graduated from elementary school at the end of the 2019-2020 school year and started sixth grade in a new school this past fall. She was diagnosed with ADHD just before COVID hit and has been working remotely with teachers she has never met, in classes with kids she mostly doesn’t know, and has barely set foot inside of her school. The hybrid learning option only kicked in last week and even with that she is only in school for 1-2 half days a week.
For the first few report cards she seemed to be holding her own and made honor roll twice. She has had some big dips where she has stopped handing in her work and then has to make up large amounts of assignments all at once in order to get her grades back up. On her last report card she went down in every subject. I had a conversation with the leader of her house a few weeks ago, and she told me that in their faculty meetings, none of the teachers have ever named my daughter as a student to keep an eye on, and she thinks she is mostly doing fine.
We have spent the year trying to land on a good medication/dosage for her ADHD and dealing with the side effects, offering our help when she has dropped the ball, and making her communicate with her teachers in terms of fixing her mistakes. The problem is that my husband and I have very different approaches. I feel that a sixth grader with ADHD should be given latitude during this dumpster fire of a year, that she will likely do far better next year when she is in the building for in-person learning and that sixth grade grades don’t matter a single whit. My husband thinks we are failing her by not disciplining her for not turning her work in, and that all sorts of disruptions happen in the real world, and she needs to learn that she has to do her work and succeed no matter what else is going on around her. So, what say you teachers? How many alarms is this fire?
—Flailing or fine?
Dear Flailing or Fine,
Your husband is right that all sorts of disruptions happen in the real world, but…
First of all, rarely is that disruption a global pandemic, during which students had to adjust to a whole new mode of learning, while socially isolating, and protecting themselves from a deadly disease. I’m certainly glad that my boss, colleagues, and students extended me grace during this weird and difficult time. I think they appreciate that I gave them breaks as well.
Second, while some students did as well with remote learning as they do with in-person, it was absolutely normal for students to struggle. Considering your daughter has ADHD, I’m not at all surprised she had a hard time, especially as time wore on.
As I’m sure you know, some symptoms of ADHD are having a short attention span, being unable to stick to tedious or time-consuming tasks, and having difficulty organizing. You know how bowling alleys have those gutter bumpers you can put up for kids? The kids probably won’t get strikes, but they at least have a chance to hit the mark. Well, in school, teachers have tons of little opportunities to check in with individuals who may have missed a memo or be off-task, and students chat to each other about upcoming deadlines. Remote learning doesn’t allow for these “bumpers,” so it’s much easier for assignments to end up in the gutter.
If your daughter has the same challenges next year in in-person school, seek help from the EC coordinator, the teachers, and/or the school counselor. Until then, pat her on the back for making it through a year that will go down in the history books.
—Ms. Scott (eighth grade teacher, North Carolina)
https://slate.com/human-interest/2021/05/when-students-suddenly-struggle-in-school.html
For the first few report cards she seemed to be holding her own and made honor roll twice. She has had some big dips where she has stopped handing in her work and then has to make up large amounts of assignments all at once in order to get her grades back up. On her last report card she went down in every subject. I had a conversation with the leader of her house a few weeks ago, and she told me that in their faculty meetings, none of the teachers have ever named my daughter as a student to keep an eye on, and she thinks she is mostly doing fine.
We have spent the year trying to land on a good medication/dosage for her ADHD and dealing with the side effects, offering our help when she has dropped the ball, and making her communicate with her teachers in terms of fixing her mistakes. The problem is that my husband and I have very different approaches. I feel that a sixth grader with ADHD should be given latitude during this dumpster fire of a year, that she will likely do far better next year when she is in the building for in-person learning and that sixth grade grades don’t matter a single whit. My husband thinks we are failing her by not disciplining her for not turning her work in, and that all sorts of disruptions happen in the real world, and she needs to learn that she has to do her work and succeed no matter what else is going on around her. So, what say you teachers? How many alarms is this fire?
—Flailing or fine?
Dear Flailing or Fine,
Your husband is right that all sorts of disruptions happen in the real world, but…
First of all, rarely is that disruption a global pandemic, during which students had to adjust to a whole new mode of learning, while socially isolating, and protecting themselves from a deadly disease. I’m certainly glad that my boss, colleagues, and students extended me grace during this weird and difficult time. I think they appreciate that I gave them breaks as well.
Second, while some students did as well with remote learning as they do with in-person, it was absolutely normal for students to struggle. Considering your daughter has ADHD, I’m not at all surprised she had a hard time, especially as time wore on.
As I’m sure you know, some symptoms of ADHD are having a short attention span, being unable to stick to tedious or time-consuming tasks, and having difficulty organizing. You know how bowling alleys have those gutter bumpers you can put up for kids? The kids probably won’t get strikes, but they at least have a chance to hit the mark. Well, in school, teachers have tons of little opportunities to check in with individuals who may have missed a memo or be off-task, and students chat to each other about upcoming deadlines. Remote learning doesn’t allow for these “bumpers,” so it’s much easier for assignments to end up in the gutter.
If your daughter has the same challenges next year in in-person school, seek help from the EC coordinator, the teachers, and/or the school counselor. Until then, pat her on the back for making it through a year that will go down in the history books.
—Ms. Scott (eighth grade teacher, North Carolina)
https://slate.com/human-interest/2021/05/when-students-suddenly-struggle-in-school.html
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On that note, virtual learning isn't necessarily a dealbreaker. My younger niece, who has dyslexia and ADHD, had a lot of problems this past year - but the one bright spot is that she can do really well when she can bounce from subject to subject, five minutes here, five minutes there, take a break, another ten minutes on subject a again....
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THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS.
Trust me, my parents tried.
The father here is dangerously uninformed, and is going to do a lot of damage until he can get on the same page as contemporary medical and teaching authorities regarding how to parent a child with ADHD.
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Not to mention how punishment as the sole method is terrible parenting regardless of the cause of the issue and not stunningly effective even at training/teaching even the most basic and non-psychologically-scarring stuff which is why even animal behaviorists and trainers, to say nothing of teachers, emphasize rewards and use a combination of methods.
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