Dear Prudence: My Sister-in Law Has No Problem Saying She Would Have Aborted Her Son

[legionseagle]

My sister-in-law casually mentioned that she would have aborted my now 3-year-old nephew, but my brother tricked her into missing the appointment. I’m shocked to learn about this, but if she is so willing to share it, what’s to stop their son from eventually finding out? I talked to my brother, and he thinks it would be no big deal if their son does eventually find out. I disagree. How can I convince them to never speak of this again?

—Wish I Hadn’t Heard This

I, too, wish I hadn’t heard this! I am as allergic to such comments in situations where a child might hear as I am to searching personal essays about parenting regret that are posted to the internet where, inevitably, an enterprising child will find them. However, this nephew is not your child, you have no control over how your brother and sister-in-law raise him, and you absolutely cannot convince them not to bring it up. Indeed it’s not even your job to do so!

Comments

[likeaduck]

Wow.

But specifically about the response, what does Dan suggest people do when they experience parenting regret? Never tell anyone, even anonymously on the internet (I've never seen a personal essay of that variety that was signed), bury their shame and die with it and never let anyone else who feels similarly know they're not alone?

And to bring us back to the question: how much does being a parent obligate one to not express one's feelings or desires or talk about one's experiences freely?

[legionseagle]

Especially experiences which include a well-documented variety of domestic abuse.

[minoanmiss]

what does Dan suggest people do when they experience parenting regret? Never tell anyone, even anonymously on the internet (I've never seen a personal essay of that variety that was signed), bury their shame and die with it and never let anyone else who feels similarly know they're not alone?


Yes, this. The answer made me lose a lot of respect for Dan.