Dear Abby: Naked Husband Woes

[amadi]

Dear Abby: My husband enjoys sitting around (among other activities) naked. We live in a subdivision with 700 homes. I have asked him repeatedly to stop, join a nudist group or go home to his mother — whatever! He says he’s sorry, blah blah blah. But it doesn’t stop happening. The deputies have already visited to tell him to stop playing his ukulele while driving, and I’m afraid he’ll get caught without a stitch on one day and all hell will break loose. I realize how ludicrous this letter may sound, but I’m being truthful. Am I crazy to expect him to stay clothed in semi-public?
Teresa in the South

Dear Teresa: I’m sorry you didn’t define “semi-public.” It’s one thing for a person to “let it all hang out” in the privacy of his (or her) home or fenced backyard. It’s quite another for that individual to fully expose himself in public view. If this is what has been happening, it appears you have married an exhibitionist who could be arrested for indecent exposure if a neighbor chooses to complain. If this is what’s happening, you’re not crazy; you are a concerned wife.

Comments

[amadi]

I'm a little disturbed that Abby glossed right over the ukulele while driving thing. This doesn't sound like eccentricity, it sounds like something that should be addressed with a doctor.

[azurelunatic]

This also strikes me as a problem.

[vass]

I'm not sure if it's a medical issue, but it definitely seems like a bigger safety concern than the nudism. (I suspect it's not a mental illness, just a douche who thinks he's too original and special and enlightened to abide by conventional restrictions like not playing a ukulele while driving, or not exposing yourself to people who didn't agree to that in advance.)

Also she wonders if she's crazy, he's apologised but not changed his behaviour, she's asked him to go home to his mother... that does not sound like a relationship that should be continuing.

[juniperphoenix]

Is "playing his ukulele" a euphemism?

[shirou]

I wondered the same thing! If so, that's a big problem. I guess it's a big problem either way, but rather more comical if the LW meant it literally.

[azurelunatic]

I can recommend a squirt gun, like you use on cats who won't stay off the kitchen counter.

A good friend of mine and I are members of the Why Do Our Dads Gotta Be Naked At Home?? Club, (membership requirements: regular at least 50% nudism from one's father or other paternal role) and my friend got tired of his dad's butt too close to his face one fine day. So he grabbed the cat-repellent squirt gun and sprayed down his dad.

At this juncture his father went and put on clothes. My friend was sad that he hadn't thought of this scheme until that point in his teens.

[azurelunatic]

Also, a bathrobe hung up by the door can help reduce the likelihood of him answering the door in the altogether, along with some strategic placement of those squeegie-on window distortion panels if there's a window by the door.