Dear Abby: Wife wants to read online dating emails

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: My wife used the search feature for the Ashley Madison emails and discovered an old account I had signed up for late one night, before we were together. I had forgotten all about it. When she brought it up, I panicked and lied because I was embarrassed, but immediately told her what it was. She was upset, but I explained the situation and that I hadn't even thought about it since we have been together.

Now I feel hurt that she didn't trust me and felt the need to check, using the guise that "some emails were hacked." But she didn't check hers, just mine. I am upset that she checked, as I have never done anything to deserve this. How do I get over it without starting a huge fight? I am now more irritable and closed off, and this is hurting our marriage. -- HURT IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HURT: Rather than avoid a fight, tell your wife how hurt you are that she felt she needed to check up on you, and insist this be discussed with the help of a licensed marriage counselor so you can both lay your cards on the table. You need to understand why your first instinct was to lie to her, and she needs to level with you about why she felt compelled to see if you were in that database. There are times when a confrontation can be healthy, and this may be one of them.

Comments

[cereta]

This is a head-scratcher and no mistake. I'm going to try to sort this out.

1. Wife are searching their computer to see if husband has received the Ashley Madison (a site for married people wanting an affair) advert emails. This is one of the really unclear parts: why were then looking for something? Anyone who knows the scandal better, let me know.

2. The found an old account, with which he had signed up for AM before he was marries, which is hinky, since it's a site for married people, but I'm sure he wouldn't be the only one,

3. He lied about the account, but then immediately told the wife he was telling the truth.

4. Wife claims she was just checking because some emails were hacked, but LW doesn't buy that, and is very, very hurt that she did not trust him in the first place.

5. Profit Drama.

6. I am reasonably certain that a few sentences were take off the top of the letter.

Do I have this correctly, oh community of smart people?

[eleanorjane]

Well, Ashley Madison was hacked recently and huge numbers of accounts were exposed publicly. I got the impression that what the wife was searching, was the public dump of accounts - ie. not searching their own computer for emails that LW received, but searching for evidence he'd had an account at all.

Other than that, I think your other numbered points cover it.