How To Do It: I'm a Sex God. Woman Seem Put Off By This.

[cereta]

Dear How to Do It,

I am a 60-year-old man returning to dating after a couple of decades. I find I mostly enjoy how women my age want to talk openly about relationship goals and potential issue in early dates, and I am meeting wonderful people with interesting life experiences. But those early candid talks now often include sex, and that’s where I’m getting tripped up and hoping for insight. Because, thanks to good partners over the years and some luck on the aging front, I’m exceptionally good in bed—vigor and stamina more commonly found in 20-year-olds combined with good foreplay skills and experience working around any aging challenges my partner may have. But if I say that, most potential partners are unnerved. They fear they can’t keep up or are just so startled they struggle to figure out how a relationship might work. Yet if I try saying a version of “I know my way around the bedroom,” they assume I’m hiding something. There are moments when I feel I’m defective for being good in bed as an (almost) senior. How can I negotiate this social challenge?

—60 Going on 20

Dear 60 Going on 20,

You merely need to modify your marketing. Nothing is compelling you to present your sexual gifts as you have been—since aptitude in bed is largely subjective anyway (even if you possess traits that are widely considered to be markers of a good lover, like stamina), changing your messaging would not amount to dishonesty. Focus on less intimidating language; describe yourself as “fun” or indicate that you very much enjoy sex. While I tend to find the amount of confidence you exude to be attractive, clearly people are finding it off-putting, and so your best course of action would be description rather than declaration. Be specific. Say what you would enjoy doing with your prospective partner. Ask her what she’s into. Transform this communication from decree to exchange. You aren’t defective for being “good” in bed; you’re just not conveying it well. Remember that sex itself is communication. Here is a prime example where you’re better off showing than telling.