Dear Abby: missing information and also cancer

[lemonsharks]

Dear Abby: Couple feels cast adrift after friend’s diagnosis

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have dear friends, one of whom has been diagnosed with untreatable cancer. The doctors told him to go home and maximize his quality of life. The first step he took was to completely cut us out.

We had been friends for years. They watched the big football games with us at our house. When he was diagnosed, I was the first person outside of his family he called. They stood up with us when we renewed our vows. I have cut cords of firewood for them. We traveled together.


Recently, the wife posted on Facebook that when undergoing trials you find out who your friends really are. We have been tossed aside like worn-out shoes.

My question is, when he passes, if we learn about it, would it be appropriate to attend the funeral to say goodbye to this man we dearly love and offer our condolences to the widow? -- ALREADY BEREAVED IN KANSAS

DEAR ALREADY BEREAVED: Everyone reacts differently after receiving a diagnosis like the one your friend received. Some people reach out for support, but a sizable number do the opposite. They “circle the wagons,” which may be what this man has done.

It would be interesting to know if his wife was aware of the message you were given, because from what she posted, she may not have been. I think it is time to reach out to her privately and ask her how you can be supportive -- if only to her. And yes, when he passes you should pay your respects and offer condolences. Funerals are for the living.

Comments

[minoanmiss]

Dear LW: Maybe you are awesome friends and your friend just has to concentrate all his energies on himself and his wife right now.

But maybe you are the twits he put up with to watch football with and now that he's about to die he's done dealing with your twitdom.

Either way, if you reach out to his wife, please try to make it not just not about you but about her and her needs.

[melannen]

He didn't cut them out when he was diagnosed with cancer, if they were the second people he told he cut them out *after*.

Which, between that and the Facebook message, leaves me wondering very hard if he cut them out because of how they reacted when he told them.

[tielan]

Uh.

From When he was diagnosed, I was the first person outside of his family he called to The first step he took was to completely cut us out is a 2020's worth of Things Happening. Possibly several 2020s.

I'm sorry LW's friend cut him off, but LW hasn't told us the whole story. I am 110% sure of it.