conuly: (Default)
conuly ([personal profile] conuly) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2020-12-09 10:55 am

(no subject)

DEAR ABBY: My family is getting torn apart by my older brother's issue with me. It has become worse over the years, even after his marriage.

He seems to be upset with how my life is progressing, and to upset me, he has been copying everything I do. He got engaged and married around the same time I did. He also got a dog right after I did, bought a car right after me and decided he wanted to start a family as soon as my wife and I announced we are having a baby.

My parents constantly make excuses about why his actions are justified. I no longer know what to do. I tried to reconcile with him, but he rebuffed me and says he hates me. It has reached the point that I don't want to be around any of my family anymore because they defend him on everything, despite the facts. What should I do? I seem to be the only person trying to reconcile the relationship and fix/reunite my family. -- SAD SIBLING IN NEW JERSEY


DEAR SIBLING: I find it hard to believe that your family would side with a sibling who declares he "hates" his brother and refuses attempts to reconcile. It's important for your mental health that you separate emotionally from your brother. By that I mean dial back the resentment, live your life with your wife and child and stop obsessing about what your brother does. That he literally follows in your footsteps shows he either admires the choices you make, or that he has no imagination of his own. Neither of these should be a problem for YOU.

https://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2020/12/9/1/man-isnt-flattered-by-siblings-imitation
minoanmiss: A Minoan-style drawing of an octopus (Octopus)

[personal profile] minoanmiss 2020-12-09 04:33 pm (UTC)(link)
Ai ya. *saddles up the Nopetopus and rides away*
jadelennox: Buffy's Dawn: bratty kid sisters (btvs: dawn bratty kid sisters)

[personal profile] jadelennox 2020-12-09 05:42 pm (UTC)(link)
It's true, the only reason two close-in-age people raised in the same environment by the same people would aim for the same life milestones at roughly the same time is THE DEEP STATE.
shirou: (cloud)

[personal profile] shirou 2020-12-10 12:55 am (UTC)(link)
How dare he get married, get a dog, buy a car, and start a family? That bastard.
liv: cast iron sign showing etiolated couple drinking tea together (argument)

[personal profile] liv 2020-12-10 01:09 pm (UTC)(link)
Wow I find it really hard to have sympathy for this LW. I mean, ok, his brother saying he hates him is not pleasant, but the rest of it is just a series of whining about nothing. If a five-year-old were whining 'my brother is COPYING me!!!!!' I would be understanding, given their early stage of emotional development. But an adult who is married and about to become a parent? That's really just pathetic. And going through culturally standard life milestones on a similar timescale isn't remotely copying. But I'd still think the LW was pathetic even if brother got the same model of car and the same breed of dog. As Captain Awkward would say, your brother isn't having a normal adult life AT you.
cereta: Crows at a hanging (hangingcrows)

[personal profile] cereta 2020-12-10 07:00 pm (UTC)(link)
Well. Someone sure thinks he's the bright center of the universe, doesn't he?