Daughter Dishes Out Criticism but Can't Take It From Mom

[conuly]

DEAR ABBY: Recently, I kindly and lovingly gave my daughter some feedback on how she berates her husband in front of my 8-year-old grandson. I told her I didn't want him to grow up thinking that's how we treat the people we love. To make a long story short, she said that if I wanted to estrange myself from her, I had succeeded. I remained calm and loving and told her she could use the feedback if it was helpful, or ignore it if it wasn't. She has now blocked me!

My daughter has had no compunction over the years about informing me about my shortcomings, but went into a rage when I spoke about her behavior. Although it breaks my heart that my daughter has cut me out of her life, my real concern is losing contact with my grandson. Fortunately, my son-in-law is still relaying messages to him, but what about when I want to visit my grandson? I have always stayed with my daughter and her family. -- HEARTBROKEN IN ANOTHER STATE

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: You may have hit the nail on the head, but you must have also struck a nerve for your daughter to have reacted so strongly. Staying with her may be off the table until she cools off, but visits with your grandson may still be possible if her husband can arrange it. Not knowing your son-in-law, I can only guess that it may be just a matter of time until he tires of your daughter's verbal abuse and exits the marriage, but if they separate, it may make access to your grandchild easier for you.

https://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2020/11/25/0/daughter-dishes-out-criticism-but-cant#disqus-comments

Comments

[minoanmiss]

Usually in these stories I wish the husband would do more but in this one I don't think his actions are wise. For one thing he's playing into LW's marriage-wrecking manipulations, as you pointed out. For another .... I keep my parents away from my Little Roommates because Fundie Christianity, and I'd be LIVID if an adult in my life took it upon themselves to relay messages for whatever philosophical reason about love and elders and bla bla bla.

[conuly]

And rightly so! People who are estranged from their parents usually have a good reason, and if they don't it's still generally best to assume they do.