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agonyaunt2020-10-06 12:01 pm
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2020-10-06 12:01 pm
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Dear Prudence: My Husband Is Having a Midlife Crisis and Wants to Open a Restaurant.
Q. Ill-timed dreams: My husband got laid off during the pandemic (he worked in the travel industry) and went into a full-bore, midlife crisis tailspin. We’re in our mid-30s and I guess he came to the conclusion that he hated many aspects of his life. His response has been to make noise about starting a restaurant. He seems genuinely excited about the idea of building a community space, hosting group events, and helping people connect over food. I love that he’s so excited and passionate about this—honestly, more animated than I’ve seen him in years.
But Prudie, I think this is an awful idea. Three restaurants just closed within 10 minutes of us due to the pandemic. My husband has literally no experience in food service or management, let alone starting up a new venture. He has never taken a business course and couldn’t even tell you what a profit margin is. We have a 2-year-old; though we’re OK income-wise because my job is stable and pays well, we cannot afford to fund his pipe dream. I’ve tried gently injecting some reality into the conversation, but my husband just spouts platitudes from Instagram influencers he follows (“If you aren’t sacrificing for your dreams, they will only remain dreams”) and says I’m being unsupportive of his goals.
I’m getting more and more frustrated trying to dialogue with a man treating me like the roadblock to him achieving self-actualization, rather than a rational partner trying to ensure our family is financially stable in the midst of economic turmoil. We are deeply in love but I feel like I no longer recognize my husband. What in the world should I do?
Q: Remain unsupportive of his goals—or at least of this goal, as long as his goal is “open a restaurant” (which has an incredibly high rate of failure even under non-pandemic conditions) without experience or even a sense of what a “profit margin” is (!), and whose only response to legitimate, practical concerns is to parrot nonsensical platitudes he saw on Instagram. Stop being “gentle” when you inject reality in these conversations. Gentleness is not required here, especially when your partner has clearly lost sight of his responsibilities to your toddler in his fantasy of “helping people connect over food.” Inject reality loudly, firmly, and often.
But Prudie, I think this is an awful idea. Three restaurants just closed within 10 minutes of us due to the pandemic. My husband has literally no experience in food service or management, let alone starting up a new venture. He has never taken a business course and couldn’t even tell you what a profit margin is. We have a 2-year-old; though we’re OK income-wise because my job is stable and pays well, we cannot afford to fund his pipe dream. I’ve tried gently injecting some reality into the conversation, but my husband just spouts platitudes from Instagram influencers he follows (“If you aren’t sacrificing for your dreams, they will only remain dreams”) and says I’m being unsupportive of his goals.
I’m getting more and more frustrated trying to dialogue with a man treating me like the roadblock to him achieving self-actualization, rather than a rational partner trying to ensure our family is financially stable in the midst of economic turmoil. We are deeply in love but I feel like I no longer recognize my husband. What in the world should I do?
Q: Remain unsupportive of his goals—or at least of this goal, as long as his goal is “open a restaurant” (which has an incredibly high rate of failure even under non-pandemic conditions) without experience or even a sense of what a “profit margin” is (!), and whose only response to legitimate, practical concerns is to parrot nonsensical platitudes he saw on Instagram. Stop being “gentle” when you inject reality in these conversations. Gentleness is not required here, especially when your partner has clearly lost sight of his responsibilities to your toddler in his fantasy of “helping people connect over food.” Inject reality loudly, firmly, and often.
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