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More missing missing reasons!
Dear Amy: I'm a widow. My husband died about a year ago.
My son is 37. He refuses to talk to me because of something minor. His siblings fear his behavior, so they cannot persuade him to change.
When he doesn't like your attitude, he puts you in quarantine. He has no relationship with his two older brothers. His wife doesn't like to get involved because she also fears being cut off.
How can I cope with this? After all, he is my son. This is on my mind all the time, and I try to come up with different ways to deal with it. His attitude is degrading. If I could stop thinking about it, I would be calmer.
— Ruminating Widow
Dear Widow: You have experienced a huge loss. I believe that you ruminate about your son’s behavior because on some level you think that if you behave differently, he will behave differently – and you won’t experience another loss.
Given how your son handles all of his relationships, it is unlikely that he will spontaneously change. You can protect yourself by reacting honestly, proportionately, and calmly: “I believe you are hurting, and that’s why you push other people away. You’re an adult. I hope you can find a more productive way of handling disputes with people. I find your treatment of me degrading, and I’m not here for it. I will always welcome you into my life, but I also expect you to be nice to me.”
https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/askamy/s-2412352?fs
My son is 37. He refuses to talk to me because of something minor. His siblings fear his behavior, so they cannot persuade him to change.
When he doesn't like your attitude, he puts you in quarantine. He has no relationship with his two older brothers. His wife doesn't like to get involved because she also fears being cut off.
How can I cope with this? After all, he is my son. This is on my mind all the time, and I try to come up with different ways to deal with it. His attitude is degrading. If I could stop thinking about it, I would be calmer.
— Ruminating Widow
Dear Widow: You have experienced a huge loss. I believe that you ruminate about your son’s behavior because on some level you think that if you behave differently, he will behave differently – and you won’t experience another loss.
Given how your son handles all of his relationships, it is unlikely that he will spontaneously change. You can protect yourself by reacting honestly, proportionately, and calmly: “I believe you are hurting, and that’s why you push other people away. You’re an adult. I hope you can find a more productive way of handling disputes with people. I find your treatment of me degrading, and I’m not here for it. I will always welcome you into my life, but I also expect you to be nice to me.”
https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/askamy/s-2412352?fs
no subject
Yup.
I'm not on speaking terms with most of my blood family (my mother is the only one and that only rarely) and it would definitely be phrased by any of them as "something minor" (because deadnaming and misgendering me and making fun of my disabilities / weight / etc is "something minor").
So sure, LW's son could be the asshole, but also sometimes when more than one family member is cut off and the phrase "something minor" is used, there might be a reason for that.
Hard to say, really, I'm not there.
no subject
As another person whose 'something minor' was significant disregard of my health, I hear you.