My Son’s Teacher Caps His Renditions of “Old Town Road” to Three per Day

[conuly]

My 5-year-old son is in kindergarten, and things are going very well overall. We like the teacher a lot, but I have a problem with one of her classroom policies, and I’m not sure how best to address it with her. My son enjoys singing and humming. He almost always sings or hums as he goes about his day. The rule in the classroom is that singing and humming are not allowed during instructional or work times, but they are allowed during both indoor and outdoor free play.

That is all very reasonable, and my son is adjusting well to this rule. The problem is that my son and several of his classmates LOVE the song “Old Town Road.” At home, he sings it all day long. At school, the teacher prohibits the number of times they can sing this particular song. They are only allowed to sing it three times per play period, and the only reason she prohibits them from singing it more is that she hates the song. To me, that seems irrelevant. This is the song that brings the kids joy, the song does not violate any other rules (language, etc.), and he is only singing it during the times when singing is allowed. I don’t see why his singing should be curtailed by her musical taste. I absolutely understand that a kid singing a song you hate 100 times in a row is annoying (I don’t like the song either), but that is the nature of kids. Our job as parents and teachers is to put our personal feelings aside and do what is best for the child. How should I approach her about this?

—Little Singer’s Mom

Dear Little Singer’s Mom,

Your son’s teacher is under no obligation to put her personal feelings aside at all times. She has a right to a workplace that is pleasant and tolerable. Frankly, I think she’s being generous. Listening to a song that you despise once is bad enough. Three is a gift.

If my own child asked me to play a song that I despised while we were driving in the car, I might agree to play the damn thing, but three times? No. It is not a teacher’s job to put aside our personal feelings so that children can live their preferred existence. It’s our job to set limits for children and let them know when their behavior is annoying.

Honestly, I think this teacher is helping your son in the long run. She’s requiring him to expand his musical palette while making him understand that the world will not bend to his cultural preferences. He doesn’t get final say on his environment. Your son will have to contend with authority figures, popular opinion, and societal norms throughout his entire life. Consider this moment a good start.

—Mr. Dicks

Comments

[eleanorjane]

Pick the person that doesn't have kids, but I can sympathise with kiddo/LW somewhat; it seems to me that if the rules are that you only get to do X in your own time, you should be allowed to do the *kind* of X you want in your own time. Otherwise it's not really a compromise.

That said, a) I don't love the STOP SUPPRESSING MY CHILD'S UNIIIIIIQUENESS whiffs I'm getting from the letter, and b) this is not a huge encroachment on your kid's human rights, lady, go find another hill to die on. Like, as Oppressive Authoritarian Rules go, this one doesn't even rate. Chill out.

[cereta]

I see your first point, but schools place all kinds of restrictions on what students can do during play periods/recess/free periods. I mean, I'm pretty sure if what the kid wanted to sing was "La Vie Boheme" from Rent, he would have gotten a hard no on singing it at all. The compromise isn't, "You can only sing during play period," because a rule that prohibits singing or humming during class activities is pretty much a necessity if all the students are going to have a positive learning experience (I've had hummers in my classes, and it's always distracting to other people, myself included). The compromise is between "you can't sing that song at all" and "you can sing that song as much as you want."

I do definitely agree about the "oppression!" nonsense. I mean, "what is best for the child" is definitely not learning that a classroom won't have any rules or requirements that don't put his personal wants (not needs, but wants) first.

[jadelennox]

a friend told me a story about a fellow parent that she knew who started homeschooling her kids after the first day of kindergarten, because the kid showed up at kindergarten and "the first thing they learned was how to stand in line! can you believe it?!?"

To which my response (and my friend's) was "these children need to learn to live in a society, with fellow people. Learning to stand in line is absolutely a vital life skill. It's got nothing to do with oppressing their natural creativity, and everything to do with teaching them how to live in a community with other people."

That's how I feel about the singing, as well. If you are teaching your kid that their pleasure and creativity is so important that (1) it's more important than any disruption that the education professional says it is doing to your education, which is the reason you are in school, and (2) it's more important than the teacher having a functioning workplace, then you are teaching your kid wrong.

Moreover "Our job as parents and teachers is to put our personal feelings aside and do what is best for the child," um, LW is saying some correct words in a totally incorrect fashion. Leaving aside the LW's assumption that "what is best for the child" is "I can do whatever I want whenever I want", which, as you say, is ridiculous, the obligations of a parent and a teacher are totally different. While I may personally think that this parent is also doing bad parenting, that's none of my business. But the teacher is an employed member of the labor market with a job, which people seem to forget. Parents have a very different societal role than employees, who have to do their job (educating the children in a supportive and nurturing environment, etc. etc.), but absolutely don't have to "put their personal feelings aside." That's anti-labor bullshit which entirely comes from the idea that most primary/elementary school teachers are women.

[cereta]

Yeah, that line about "putting personal feelings aside" hit me where I live. I don't remember who it was, but a fellow educator wrote a comment to one of my posts about having to help a student with a paper that opposed marriage equality, and that no one seemed to care about the psychic toll that took on her. I get papers that are not just offensive to me in general, but attack something that is intensely personal to me, and I'm supposed to smile and help that student write the best possible argument that I'm not worth basic human decency. So yeah. That's a thing.

[ioplokon]

omfg like they learn to stand in line so the teacher can do a headcount and make sure there are no missing children. I mean, quelle horreur!