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Dear Care and Feeding,
We live in a drought-impaired area; my in-laws reside in one of the wettest places in North America. Although we have official water-use restrictions, my in-laws ignore them when they visit: taking 40-minute showers, running the dishwasher (which came with the house but which we don’t use) multiple times daily, brushing their teeth with the water running, etc. But their biggest complaint is our lack of lawn: They openly hate on our xeriscaping and food garden.
The problem is how the kids react to them. I got an earful from my mother-in-law after our 11-year-old politely explained what she’d learned at school about the importance of water conservation in a desert community. Her grandmother was insulted and reprimanded my daughter sternly. She was concerned about how the kids “won’t grow up normally with these crazy restrictions” and without a lawn to play on. To that end, my father-in-law attempted to secretly have a lawn installed because “kids needs lawns.” Our 8-year-old son has bought into it and is now begging for a lawn so he can be like “normal kids.” The thing is, few if any people in our area have lawns, and certainly no kids at his school do, so it’s hardly normal.
So, how do we handle this? What do I say to my daughter about her conversation with her grandmother? To my ears, she was being kind, even saying things like, “I understand that it rains all the time where you live, but … ” However, her grandmother took it as being stubborn and argumentative. Now the two seem distant, and my in-laws clearly favor my son. And what do I say to my son about the lawn which, frankly, is the last thing on God’s not-so-green earth that is going to happen?
—The Lawn Is a Unicorn
Dear TLIaU,
Your father-in-law plotting to install a lawn contrary to your express wishes is giving me life today. I am very sorry. They’re being total dicks. It sounds like your daughter is being respectful and is genuinely confused your mother-in-law doesn’t grasp that different climates require different water restrictions.
(Lawns are horrible, but that’s my personal bias. We have rock landscaping and it rules.)
Look, your son is 8. His grandparents could have pulled this same shit about how “every boy needs a dog.” You tell the grandparents to shut up about the lawn, you tell your son it ain’t happening and you’re done discussing it, you enjoy being part of the solution.
I would be extremely surprised if your weird in-laws decide to permanently estrange themselves from your granddaughter over this, but odder things have happened. Should you invite them again, however, tell your daughter that she’s spoken her piece about the lawn and other water issues, and this time we’re pretending it’s just not a topic.
Did … did he think you would come home from work … to a lawn? Amazing.
—Nicole
https://slate.com/human-interest/2019/11/baby-cries-at-day-care-pickup-care-and-feeding.html
We live in a drought-impaired area; my in-laws reside in one of the wettest places in North America. Although we have official water-use restrictions, my in-laws ignore them when they visit: taking 40-minute showers, running the dishwasher (which came with the house but which we don’t use) multiple times daily, brushing their teeth with the water running, etc. But their biggest complaint is our lack of lawn: They openly hate on our xeriscaping and food garden.
The problem is how the kids react to them. I got an earful from my mother-in-law after our 11-year-old politely explained what she’d learned at school about the importance of water conservation in a desert community. Her grandmother was insulted and reprimanded my daughter sternly. She was concerned about how the kids “won’t grow up normally with these crazy restrictions” and without a lawn to play on. To that end, my father-in-law attempted to secretly have a lawn installed because “kids needs lawns.” Our 8-year-old son has bought into it and is now begging for a lawn so he can be like “normal kids.” The thing is, few if any people in our area have lawns, and certainly no kids at his school do, so it’s hardly normal.
So, how do we handle this? What do I say to my daughter about her conversation with her grandmother? To my ears, she was being kind, even saying things like, “I understand that it rains all the time where you live, but … ” However, her grandmother took it as being stubborn and argumentative. Now the two seem distant, and my in-laws clearly favor my son. And what do I say to my son about the lawn which, frankly, is the last thing on God’s not-so-green earth that is going to happen?
—The Lawn Is a Unicorn
Dear TLIaU,
Your father-in-law plotting to install a lawn contrary to your express wishes is giving me life today. I am very sorry. They’re being total dicks. It sounds like your daughter is being respectful and is genuinely confused your mother-in-law doesn’t grasp that different climates require different water restrictions.
(Lawns are horrible, but that’s my personal bias. We have rock landscaping and it rules.)
Look, your son is 8. His grandparents could have pulled this same shit about how “every boy needs a dog.” You tell the grandparents to shut up about the lawn, you tell your son it ain’t happening and you’re done discussing it, you enjoy being part of the solution.
I would be extremely surprised if your weird in-laws decide to permanently estrange themselves from your granddaughter over this, but odder things have happened. Should you invite them again, however, tell your daughter that she’s spoken her piece about the lawn and other water issues, and this time we’re pretending it’s just not a topic.
Did … did he think you would come home from work … to a lawn? Amazing.
—Nicole
https://slate.com/human-interest/2019/11/baby-cries-at-day-care-pickup-care-and-feeding.html
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LW you have overbearing inlaws. if you haven't gotten your (conspicuously absent in this letter) spouse involved yet NOW IS THE TIME! I also hard agree that visits should be to their part of the country and you guys get to stay in a hotel and not stay with them. (also why not suggest they stay at a hotel next time they visit you?? another win win)
This letter was a hoot. But I am thankful they aren't my inlaws.
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