agonyaunt | (no subject)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got married recently, and I now know that my wife is a horrible cook. We had never talked about cooking. I don’t cook, but I assumed that she could and would. I realize that this is old-fashioned thinking, but I believed it nonetheless. She is trying, but she really can’t cook, and it’s hard to eat what she prepares. I feel like a hypocrite in a way. I expect my wife to cook well, and I am mad that she can’t. What should I do? -- Bad Cook

DEAR BAD COOK: You have a couple of things to deal with. For starters, trying to run your life based upon an archaic conception of gender roles is not serving you, nor does it need to. Let that go. Instead, talk to your wife openly. Tell her you didn’t realize that she hadn’t learned to cook, as you have not either. Suggest that you learn together, and take turns preparing the family meal -- or even cook together, which creates another level of bonding for you.

Consider taking a cooking class or purchasing interesting cookbooks and perusing the recipes. Make it fun to learn to cook so that you do not insult her or judge your old ways too harshly. Instead, carve a new path together that is equally supportive.

https://www.uexpress.com/sense-and-sensitivity/2019/10/19/1/friends-comments-about-husband-cross-the

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LW's options include cooking classes, prepackaged food delivery services like Blue Apron or Dinnerly, or just watching simpler YouTube videos on how to cook. I'd recommend YouTube to get them through scrambled eggs, easy homemade pasta sauces, and soups/stews. The delivery services are better when you have a decent cooking baseline to work with.

And yes, the gendered assumption has to go. There's the sexism, and there's also the basic reality that sooner or later everyone needs to be able to feed themselves.

I'm friends with twin sisters who turned 30 and realized they didn't know how to cook, so they started doing Hello Fresh boxes so that they cooked a few nights a week. Total game changer for them

Figuring out what to make and acquiring the correct ingredients are surprisingly difficult tasks when you don't know what you're doing. Meal boxes are helpful at getting around those hurdles, and successfully making something new is a great way to build confidence in your cooking skills.