Ask Amy: Three years after the breakup

[movingfinger]

Dear Amy: I am struggling with heartbreak from three years ago.

Last night, I dreamed about her, where she professed her love for me again. I woke up feeling worse than ever.

Long story short, her parents broke us up because they did not approve of a same-sex relationship (neither did my parents).

I put it all on the line fighting for our love, but she didn't, after her parents broke her phone, threatened to send her to a psych ward and left her locked up in her house.

I waited for more than a year. Then I realized that she had regained access to Facebook and had a new phone, and yet no message to me!

I never got closure, and I was left with a broken heart and long-lasting emotional hurt. I really want to know how someone can do this after saying they love you and want to marry you.

I've thought so many times of messaging her, but I don't know what to do.

Emotionally Destroyed

Emotionally Destroyed: Please do message her. You may not hear what you want to hear, but knowing where she stands should help to provide the closure you seek.

You both had the odds stacked against you, and I agree that this is heartbreaking.

Comments

[ambyr]

The sheer lack of empathy for her ex-girlfriend here is a little frightening. "I really want to know how someone can do this after saying they love you"? Well, they can do it because someone else "threatened to send her to a psych ward and left her locked up in her house." And if her ex-girlfriend is still living with/dependent on her parents, messaging her--as Amy suggests--may put her in very real danger of physical harm. If the motivation was "I want to find a way to help her move to a safer place" I could understand the urge, but "I want closure"? No, that's a shitty reason to endanger someone.

[minoanmiss]

Word. I don't want to be hard on LW, but aren't they the least bit concerned about their ex's safety?

[movingfinger]

The lack of concern does stand out. In the sort of family that will lock a young woman up because of a disapproved relationship, especially a disapproved gay relationship, there are generally worse things going on.

[kiezh]

Yes, this. LW knew her ex was in a dangerous, abusive situation, has no idea how far that escalated while she was out of the loop, and what LW is concerned about is "closure"?! And she seems super resentful of her ex, despite clear evidence that the breakup wasn't the ex's choice at all! Just... wow. (In some breakups there are no villains, but in this one... if LW wants a target for that resentment and bitterness, the parents are right there! Being villainous!)

And yeah, social media presence is no reason to assume the danger's over. If LW really cared so much, she'd be asking "how can I contact my ex stealthily to see if she's ok or needs help getting out?" not "how can I guilt-trip my ex for the way her family forcibly separated us?"

[eleanorjane]

Yeah. The lack of empathy was evident in the bitterness about 'I kept fighting for our love and she didn't' - well yeah, LW, you weren't the one being abused by their family.