This is SUCH a good answer!! Brava!

[ashbet]

Dear Care and Feeding,

My 14-year-old daughter has purchased with her own babysitting money a pair of clear heels. In my opinion, as her father, these are stripper shoes and I don’t want her to wear them. This is becoming a really heated discussion, as her mom is neutral and not backing me up. Should I tell her that taking them back is nonnegotiable?


—Staying Off the Pole

Dear OTP,

Oh dear, I don’t think I like you at all. I’m sorry, that’s a tough way to open my answer. First of all, when I think “clear heels,” I think of Disco Stu first, and not nude or semi-nude dancers. I think you need to back off and also do some thinking about how you are coping with your daughter becoming a teenager and having the limited autonomy to make choices you will think are bad. Clear heels are very different from, say, shirts that show side-boob, or skirts that you cannot safely bend over in. I cannot imagine them getting a second look in 2019. I also think you should probably be less rude about people who dance erotically for money in order to pay rent; that is a super common but also unpleasant way for you to interact with the world.


I also want you to know that your wife “not backing you up” is not what is making the conversation heated. It is getting heated because you are angry about the shoes, and I think you should work on how you express yourself around your family.

Comments

[staranise]

Talking about smacking into a LOW FUCKING BAR.

[minoanmiss]

Dear Care and Feeding,
you are AWESOME.

Dear LW:
Years ago I used to work in a high school. One of the most useful pieces of advice I ever heard was given to one of our parents by one of our administrators who was also a teenager's parent. The second gentleman told the first, "At the age she is, you're getting away from being able to tell her what to do and are becoming more of an advisor. If you keep telling her what to do you won't even be consulted in an advisory capacity." Please contemplate this advice, and also listen to C&F, and also let your daughter have her shoes.

[ashbet]

That is GREAT advice, I wish someone had given it to my parents!

[cereta]

You know, I was not thrilled when spouse bought our then-ten-year-old high heels (finger, wrapped), and I put some limits on her wearing them in public, but that was at TEN. Moreover, I have a feeling that the heels are just a symptom of his reaction to losing control over his daughter's choices, life, body, and yes, sexuality. If he doesn't get some perspective and coping strategies NOW, he's in for a long four years, and so are his daughter and wife.

[xenacryst]

Dude, you are so behind the times. If all it is is "clear heels" then that's really passe. It doesn't start to qualify as "erotic" until it's "8 inch stiletto platform heels" at the very least, and you'd probably need to throw a thong and pasties in there. Sheesh, you really need to get current on your erotica.

[azurelunatic]

He reminds me of my father.

(frozen comment)

[weedpizza]

You're telling me if you saw a teenage girl wearing stripper shoes, you wouldn't think something was wrong there? Because I would seriously question whether she's being abused.

14 is too young for high heels, let alone the sort of extreme kind that ~erotic dancers~ wear!

(frozen comment)

[minoanmiss]

I honestly don't know what "stripper" shoes are wrt all other shoes. If I saw a teenager wearing shoes with clear heels I'd think they were high heeled shoes. And I honestly do think this is not the hill for a parent to die on -- there could be much more important problems where one really has to just say 'no', such as the 22 year old guy telling her she's so mature for her age. Plus, she could be sick of the shoes in a month and never go near high heels again, rather than having had them made to be Forbidden Fruit.

(frozen comment) MOD NOTE

[cereta]

Okay, I have been trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, here, but I am officially invoking the "knock it off" rule. You are either walking right up to, if not over, the line of some offensive sentiments every time you post, or you're deliberately stirring shit. Neither is acceptable here. Consider this your one warning.

If you wish to discuss this matter, feel free to PM me. Any attempt to discuss it on the community will result in an immediate ban.

[ashbet]

All he said was that they were “clear heels” — they could have been jelly shoes, Cinderella-style “glass” heels, etc.

He sounds gross and controlling, and I don’t automatically assume that his interpretation is at all correct.

Dressing up and experimenting with identity is a normal part of adolescence, and clear shoes aren’t exposing any body parts that need to be covered, or putting a kid in danger.

I wore high heels at 14, and I’m glad that I had fun with them while I had the chance, because a catastrophic ankle accident in my 20’s means that I’ll never wear them again.

And I turned out fine, FWIW.