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My husband won’t stop biting our 1-year-old son. He does it out of affection, and while he’s never drawn blood (I can’t believe I have to say that), he does it hard enough to leave marks. I don’t like this. Our son, who is not yet verbal, reacts anywhere from smiling to pushing away to whining. If my husband notices these signals, he doesn’t respond to them. Meanwhile, I am trying to teach our son not to bite me, which he is doing with increasing frequency and vigor these days. I feel like all of the biting from his dad is not helping matters.
This is a big deal to me. I don’t want our son to be hurt or feel violated, I don’t want him to learn that it’s an OK thing to bite others, and I don’t want him to learn that you can do whatever you want to other people’s bodies as long as it feels right to you. I’ve explained all of this to my husband numerous times and asked him to stop biting our son. He thinks that I’m being hysterical and insists that it’s OK because its “genuine” and “how he expresses his love.” I’ve asked him to try expressing his love in nonbiting ways (hugging, kissing, nuzzling, etc.), but he says he doesn’t want to stop.
—Married to a Vampire
Dear MtaV,
Immediate counseling, do not pass go. This is utterly ridiculous. Of course your attempts to teach your son not to bite are failing!
You need this to stop, and you have been exceptionally clear, and he is behaving abusively. I’m hoping he needs a third party to tell him that, but I’m very concerned. Please update me.
This is a big deal to me. I don’t want our son to be hurt or feel violated, I don’t want him to learn that it’s an OK thing to bite others, and I don’t want him to learn that you can do whatever you want to other people’s bodies as long as it feels right to you. I’ve explained all of this to my husband numerous times and asked him to stop biting our son. He thinks that I’m being hysterical and insists that it’s OK because its “genuine” and “how he expresses his love.” I’ve asked him to try expressing his love in nonbiting ways (hugging, kissing, nuzzling, etc.), but he says he doesn’t want to stop.
—Married to a Vampire
Dear MtaV,
Immediate counseling, do not pass go. This is utterly ridiculous. Of course your attempts to teach your son not to bite are failing!
You need this to stop, and you have been exceptionally clear, and he is behaving abusively. I’m hoping he needs a third party to tell him that, but I’m very concerned. Please update me.
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