(no subject)

[conuly]

DEAR ABBY: My daughter married a man last spring. One week after their honeymoon, he was diagnosed with Stage 4 metastasized colon cancer. After eight months of doctors, hospitals and chemo, he passed away.

They never had an opportunity to write thank-you notes for their wedding gifts. My daughter feels it is not appropriate now. I feel she should do it, saying something like, Before my husband passed away, we enjoyed this gift very much. She said to ask you. What is your opinion? -- WONDERING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WONDERING: It is always appropriate to thank people for their kindness. Since you asked my opinion, I agree that your daughter should write short notes to the people who gave her wedding gifts and tell them she would have written sooner, but she is still grieving the loss of her husband. Then she should thank them for their generosity. The rules of etiquette do not require her to say more than that. When you discuss with her what I have written -- as I am sure you will -- please convey to her my deepest sympathy.

Comments

[lavendertook]

I actually support the simple letter writing Abby suggests, not because the thank you's should be done, because conuly is right that they could be excused here, but they are a way of contacting the community who came to support the couple together and it puts the ball in their court to reach back because what she needs most is community support and we're not a good culture at supporting the grieving and its easy to get isolated. Abby's phrasing opens up the daughter's grief as an approachable subject like a distress flag. I would suggest the LW help the daughter do them if it is something they could peacefully do together--because shared tasks that address the daughter's grief and that the marriage still happened would probably be helpful for her processing of it all.