agonyaunt | (no subject)

DEAR ABBY: My daughter married a man last spring. One week after their honeymoon, he was diagnosed with Stage 4 metastasized colon cancer. After eight months of doctors, hospitals and chemo, he passed away.

They never had an opportunity to write thank-you notes for their wedding gifts. My daughter feels it is not appropriate now. I feel she should do it, saying something like, Before my husband passed away, we enjoyed this gift very much. She said to ask you. What is your opinion? -- WONDERING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WONDERING: It is always appropriate to thank people for their kindness. Since you asked my opinion, I agree that your daughter should write short notes to the people who gave her wedding gifts and tell them she would have written sooner, but she is still grieving the loss of her husband. Then she should thank them for their generosity. The rules of etiquette do not require her to say more than that. When you discuss with her what I have written -- as I am sure you will -- please convey to her my deepest sympathy.

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OH MY SWEET JESUS someone actually wrote a thank you note letter about a woman who was widowed less than a year after her wedding.

Anyone, and I mean ANYONE, who is disgruntled over not receiving a thank you note in this circumstance is a petty ass.

I think it would be kind of the mother to take over the task of writing thank you notes because they could double as death notices; it's entirely possible that many of the gift-givers may not know the husband has died, and the sooner they get told, the less likely she is to get awkward, "So, how are you and husband enjoying the new china?" queries from people who had their gifts shipped and want to make sure they actually arrived.

(now that I calmed down from my first reaction) I agree with you. If LW feels these need to be done she should write them on her daughter's behalf.