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Yoffe-era Prudie: Sister wants to hijack Dad's retirement party
Dear Prudence:
My father is retiring after more than 60 years in the same business; for more than 30 of those years, my husband and I have worked with him. Our annual holiday party is going to be a roast and a farewell. Many of the employees have worked with my father for decades, and everyone’s excited about the party. The problem is that my sister, who’s not in the business and lives out of town, is bringing her boyfriend, who will be celebrating his “birthday weekend,” which she wants acknowledged at the party. I told her we would have a brunch the next morning and do something for her boyfriend then, but it would be inappropriate to celebrate the boyfriend’s birthday at my father’s retirement, especially since no one from work knows him. She’s extremely upset and thinks this reflects on how I feel about her boyfriend. She said all she wanted was a cupcake and rendition of “Happy Birthday” at my father’s party. Now she and her boyfriend aren’t coming. I asked her to reconsider, as Dad was so excited she was coming, but she just cried and screamed about how out of line I am. Am I wrong?
—Retirement Yes, Birthday No
Dear Retirement,
Given that your father has been in business for 60 years, the most amazing thing about your letter is that, apparently, he also has a 5-year-old daughter, because that’s about how old your sister is acting. Let me take a guess that her behavior is not wholly out of character. Perhaps it’s been going on for the last 30 years or so, since she probably has built up some major resentment over what, from her worm’s eye view, looks like your worming your way into the family business. Normally my advice in such situations is to say, “I can’t accommodate your wishes. We would love to have you attend, but if you can’t, we will miss you.” However, your father is a very old man and you say it would mean a lot to him to have both his daughters there. So, just this once, I say give in to her and toss in a cupcake and a song for these middle-aged spoiled brats. It actually will be kind of amusing when your family starts singing, “Happy birthday, dear Sidney,” and the entire crowd murmurs, “Who the hell is Sidney?”
My father is retiring after more than 60 years in the same business; for more than 30 of those years, my husband and I have worked with him. Our annual holiday party is going to be a roast and a farewell. Many of the employees have worked with my father for decades, and everyone’s excited about the party. The problem is that my sister, who’s not in the business and lives out of town, is bringing her boyfriend, who will be celebrating his “birthday weekend,” which she wants acknowledged at the party. I told her we would have a brunch the next morning and do something for her boyfriend then, but it would be inappropriate to celebrate the boyfriend’s birthday at my father’s retirement, especially since no one from work knows him. She’s extremely upset and thinks this reflects on how I feel about her boyfriend. She said all she wanted was a cupcake and rendition of “Happy Birthday” at my father’s party. Now she and her boyfriend aren’t coming. I asked her to reconsider, as Dad was so excited she was coming, but she just cried and screamed about how out of line I am. Am I wrong?
—Retirement Yes, Birthday No
Dear Retirement,
Given that your father has been in business for 60 years, the most amazing thing about your letter is that, apparently, he also has a 5-year-old daughter, because that’s about how old your sister is acting. Let me take a guess that her behavior is not wholly out of character. Perhaps it’s been going on for the last 30 years or so, since she probably has built up some major resentment over what, from her worm’s eye view, looks like your worming your way into the family business. Normally my advice in such situations is to say, “I can’t accommodate your wishes. We would love to have you attend, but if you can’t, we will miss you.” However, your father is a very old man and you say it would mean a lot to him to have both his daughters there. So, just this once, I say give in to her and toss in a cupcake and a song for these middle-aged spoiled brats. It actually will be kind of amusing when your family starts singing, “Happy birthday, dear Sidney,” and the entire crowd murmurs, “Who the hell is Sidney?”
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(Also, does Dad know WHY Baby Sister isn't attending?)
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Also, I actually had an experience like this, when I organized my own birthday get-together at a local brew pub only to have the (admittedly very young) girlfriend of a friend ask if we could turn it into a surprise party for said friend. There was a great deal of collective boggling, and several other friends very kindly responded with, "Oh, sweetie, no."
That said, I think Prudie's probably right, here. This isn't a random thing; it's a once in a lifetime event, and if what it takes to get the sister to it is five minutes focused on her boyfriend, best to do it early and be done.