I told my friend I think her husband is gay

[conuly]

Dear Carolyn:

Many think my best friend "Sara" has it all: four adorable children, a successful husband ("Jim"), and a beautiful home. Jim is an absolute dear, but here's the thing. I think he's gay.

Recently, I sat down with Sara and shared my hunch. True to form, she listened attentively and thanked me for my concern. But since then, Sara has not mentioned our conversation about her husband's sexuality. I am concerned she is in denial. How should I gently revisit the topic?

-- A Friend in Need

Never. Not gently, not roughly, not with discreet tactical brilliance, not ever. That's how.

And if there were such a thing as boundary school, I'd sentence you to it. Because, oh my wow. This is so not your business.

With the benefit of all doubts firmly in place, I'll venture you just really want your friend to be happy. And that's great. But if your idea of helping her be happy includes a first step of having to persuade her that she's unhappy, then that's your flashing red railroad-crossing barrier, your Do Not Disturb hang-tag, your singing telegram reminding you to butt the heck (and everything else) out. If your friend wants your help, she can ask.

And while I'm here: No one, anywhere, ever, has it "all."

Comments

[cereta]

That is a very good point.