agonyaunt | Ask a Manager: Mansplaining

A reader writes:

I run a seven-person government office. One of my direct reports is both not very experienced and not very good at his job, which requires extremely specific legal knowledge and a strong attention to detail. Despite this, he’s got an irritating habit of positioning himself as a subject matter expert around the office in small, unofficial, but rage-producing ways.

A few examples:

• He interrupted me while I was explaining the legal basis for a decision I had made to another direct report in order to let me know he “actually” had seen that decision and “actually” agreed with me (he was not initially part of the conversation I was having).

• During a training session he was taking as a refresher, he quizzed the students taking it for the first time on how they would handle various hypothetical situations.

• He has explained how to use certain research resources to our technical support staff — resources those exact staff members had sent to him, with instructions, weeks earlier.

He’s on a limited-term appointment and I’m already in the process of documenting other notable performance issues for the employment board to review when considering whether to extend his assignment. My question is, should I bring up this behavior at his next counseling session, and if so, how?

Answer:
I try to address these issues in the moment (“Thanks Bobbin, but we’ll use the official guidance” or something similar) but he clearly has not registered that this is a recurring problem. I’m not worried about being undermined — absolutely everyone in the office has independently clocked this gentleman’s ability and authority levels correctly — but until and unless I can remove him, I am trying to be the most transparent and responsible manager possible. His behavior definitely irritates everyone else, and selfishly, I’d hate to undermine my own case for terminating his assignment by not providing all the guidance he can reasonably expect to perform well.

Good lord, yes, give it to him straight, for his own benefit and for the benefit of everyone he’s doing this too.

You can do that in the moment, and also in a big-picture conversation.

In the moment:

* If he does something again like interrupting you to let you know he “actually” agrees with you on something he has no expertise in, you can dryly say, “Yes, I’m not looking for agreement here.” (That would be rude in a vacuum, but it’s not rude in this context; it’s hopefully instructive to him.)

* If he does something like quiz other students in a training, you can say, “Actually, no, Jane is the one leading this training.” (Again, this would be rude in a vacuum, but it’s warranted here — and the other students will probably be grateful to you.)

* If you see him explaining people’s own areas of expertise to them, you can say, “Jane is actually our expert in this.” Or “I think Jane sent you those instructions last week, actually.” Or “Jane created this resource.” Or so forth. Just dryly stating the facts can do wonders to bring this type up short.

But it’s worth having a bigger-picture conversation too. You could say something like this: “I want to talk to you about a habit that will hold you back if you don’t address it. You frequently come across as if you’re asserting more expertise than the person you’re talking to, even when they have substantially more experience and expertise than you do. For example, last week with X and this morning with Y. This will make you seem out of touch and like you don’t understand the limitations of your own experience — and will actually make people think of you as less capable than you are since it comes across as missing nuance about your own role and the people you’re talking to. It’s also disrespectful to others, so it’s important than you get it under control.”

If he mainly does this to women (which I mention because it’s a common pattern), explicitly call that out too: “I’ve noticed you largely do this with women, which will reflect poorly on you in any office you’re in in the future.” Or if you really want to put him on the spot: “I’ve noticed you largely do this with women. Why do you think that is?”

And please accept the grateful thanks of all of his future colleagues for having this talk with him.

Ask a Manager: Mansplaining

no subject

no subject

no subject