Annie's Mailbox: Co-sleeping

[cereta]

Dear Annie: What is your opinion on co-sleeping? My husband, his daughter and I all sleep in the same bed at night, and neither my husband nor I minds a bit.

My husband loves it, saying he knows where both of his beautiful ladies are at night and he doesn't have to worry. When we want to make love, we wait until his daughter is not in the bed, or we go into the spare bedroom. What do you think? -- Pennsylvania

Dear Pennsylvania: We think a lot of this is up to the parents and depends on the age of the child. Often, pediatricians do not recommend co-sleeping with an infant because of the slight risk that a parent will roll over onto the child. Some older children who co-sleep have difficulty transitioning to their own bed and will demand to sleep with the parents well past puberty. And some children who are developing sexually can transfer inappropriate feelings to a parent when co-sleeping continues past a certain point. (We will assume that neither parent has inappropriate sexual feelings toward the child, although this is also a concern.)

What counts is that both of the parents and the child are comfortable with this arrangement, both parents are responsible about the child's development, and the set-up does not interfere with marital intimacy. If you are the stepparent and the biological mother is in the picture, be sure she is in agreement. This is a joint parental decision.

Comments

[movingfinger]

"My husband loves it, saying he knows where both of his beautiful ladies are at night and he doesn't have to worry."

What the who why what about what now?

[kaberett]

I WAS COMPLETELY FINE WITH EVERYTHING UNTIL THAT LINE, YES.

For values of "completely fine" that include "is this a thing the kid wants to do? okay then, cool, you'll get some societal pushback but I don't think it's warranted", but then that happened and NOPE NOPE NOPE.

[movingfinger]

That line was the cognitive equivalent of hitting black ice at 45mph. OKAY THIS IS NOT THE TRIP I THOUGHT WE WERE ON

[cereta]

Yeah, that line struck me as odd.

I also hope that, if there's a mother in the picture, she is aware of and approves of this practice, or there could be Issues. I mean, my opinion of co-sleeping in general is, "I think there needs to be a time fairly young when a child can sleep alone in their own bed/room, but depending on age,reason, and frequency, eh" (kiddo turned out to be a much more stubborn co-sleeper than we ever expected, and still likes to join us on Saturdays after our weekly horror movie). But that line made me a little worried.

OTOH, there's someone on Arcamax shouting that all co-sleeping past the age of about two should warrant a call to CPS because dom't we know that men get erections at night?, which is making my brain twist in pretzels.

[nonethefewer]

I actually wrinkled my nose when I read that line, because for serious, what the fuck.

[minoanmiss]

Dear husband: thank you for injecting creepiness where there was none before. That's just what everyone needs.