agonyaunt | Sense and Sensitivity: Because sometimes I just like sharing whoppers

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a group of 10 friends from college. We are all still close and meet up regularly for brunch or dinner. I have always had a hunch that one of my friends might be a lesbian. All through college, she never seemed interested in guys, and she still has never had a boyfriend. When she drinks, she gets very touchy-feely with my friends and me, which at first I thought was because she was intoxicated, but now I think it’s her true feelings coming out. Do you think it’s appropriate for me to ask? I want to make sure she knows I will always be her friend no matter her sexual preference. -- Friend Might Be Gay, Des Moines, Iowa

DEAR FRIEND MIGHT BE GAY: Good for you that you have observed what may be the true feelings of your friend that emerge when she’s drinking. This means that she is probably uncomfortable sharing them while sober. Since you are good friends, it would be wonderful for you to speak to her privately and ask her if she is gay. Tell her why you think so, and immediately add that you accept her as she is. Suggest that she open up and talk about her life with your friend group. I'm sure it's difficult to notice her getting touchy-feely after she drinks without coming out and talking about what’s really going on for her. Offer to be a sounding board. If she doesn’t want to tell the whole group, that’s OK, too. Make sure she knows you have her back.

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I am pleased to report that the response on the website was a uniform "Dear God No." Certainly the LW might talk to her friend about the "touchy-feeling" behavior; even if it's not making anyone in the group uncomfortable (and it might be), if she gets this way every time she drinks, she's going to cross someone's boundaries.

But again, I am forced to wonder how Harriette Cole still has a job. "It would be wonderful for you to speak to her privately and ask her if she is gay"? Are you kidding me?

I reread this response several times and went, "Dear God, I wish I could read this as sarcastic." There are sentences that, out of context, sound sensible, but the whole thing? No.

Yes, talk to her about the drunken groping because that has the potential to hurt other people. For the rest-- The LW may not be such a dear friend as she thinks. Even if she is, nothing about sharing/not sharing this information isn't hurting anyone.

Extra negative above, and I’m on my phone, so editing is hard. No one is hurt by the lw’s friend sharing or not sharing personal information,
Demanding the information would be creepy.

on my entire first read through, I was convinced it was sarcasm. Because nobody could possibly have said that and meant it sincerely, right? I mean, from the very first three words, I was convinced it was sarcastic, and the "this means she is probably uncomfortable" and the "what would be wonderful for you" -- that was obviously all snark! Except it wasn't!

Yeah, NOPE.

Dear LW, The touchy-feely sounds a bit inappropriate, but the confronting her about her sexuality is VASTLY INAPPROPRIATE.

Think your own thoughts by all means. Keep them to yourself. Let her work herself out, and then let her decide if she's going to share it with anyone else. Including you.