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Dear Prudence: My sister told us she needed money for car repairs, it was actually for vet bills
Q. Lying: My younger sister conned over $1,000 out of my brother and me. She lied to us about needing expensive repairs on her car, which is vital to getting to her job and school. She needed the money for medical care for her dog.
Neither of us make a lot of money and that grand represents vacations, savings, and our own wants. Our parents raised us to understand that you take care of family first. Our sister took advantage of that and presented herself as the victim when we called her on the theft. We are “horrible people who wanted her puppy to die.”
My brother isn’t talking to her and might not come home for Christmas if she is there. I have two cats I love but I wouldn’t do this. I don’t see any difference in my sister lying to me and taking the money to go to Vegas or spending it on shopping.
My parents want us to push everything under the rug and play the big happy family. My sister is the baby and the favorite—usually that is something I can brush off but not this time. She thinks she has nothing to apologize for. Her dog is worth more to her than us. I really don’t know what to do.
Answer: Your sister lied to you in order to get money out of you, and while taking care of a dog isn’t the same thing as a shopping trip, you have every right to be upset that she misled you, knowing that you would not have given her the same amount had you known what she was using it for. And if you’re angry with your sister and you don’t want to spend the holidays brushing things off, then make alternate plans. That’s OK! I think families often use the specter of The Holidays to force family members into cheerfulness and repression, as if a person could “ruin” the very concept of Thanksgiving simply be being angry. If you don’t spend the holidays with your family this year, that’s absolutely fine. You are allowed to get mad at family members, and you’re allowed to do it whether your parents like it or not. This is between you and your sister.
For what it’s worth, I don’t think it will be productive to argue with your sister about whether she values the dog more than you—the issue isn’t whether she should love her dog, the issue is that you feel hurt and taken advantage of because she lied to you about why she needed money.
Neither of us make a lot of money and that grand represents vacations, savings, and our own wants. Our parents raised us to understand that you take care of family first. Our sister took advantage of that and presented herself as the victim when we called her on the theft. We are “horrible people who wanted her puppy to die.”
My brother isn’t talking to her and might not come home for Christmas if she is there. I have two cats I love but I wouldn’t do this. I don’t see any difference in my sister lying to me and taking the money to go to Vegas or spending it on shopping.
My parents want us to push everything under the rug and play the big happy family. My sister is the baby and the favorite—usually that is something I can brush off but not this time. She thinks she has nothing to apologize for. Her dog is worth more to her than us. I really don’t know what to do.
Answer: Your sister lied to you in order to get money out of you, and while taking care of a dog isn’t the same thing as a shopping trip, you have every right to be upset that she misled you, knowing that you would not have given her the same amount had you known what she was using it for. And if you’re angry with your sister and you don’t want to spend the holidays brushing things off, then make alternate plans. That’s OK! I think families often use the specter of The Holidays to force family members into cheerfulness and repression, as if a person could “ruin” the very concept of Thanksgiving simply be being angry. If you don’t spend the holidays with your family this year, that’s absolutely fine. You are allowed to get mad at family members, and you’re allowed to do it whether your parents like it or not. This is between you and your sister.
For what it’s worth, I don’t think it will be productive to argue with your sister about whether she values the dog more than you—the issue isn’t whether she should love her dog, the issue is that you feel hurt and taken advantage of because she lied to you about why she needed money.