Missing missing reasons!

[conuly]

Dear Annie: I'm just heartbroken. My son moved out last year, and he never talked to me about anything before he moved. We were so close, and we always talked. But all of a sudden, he packed up and moved out with no explanation. He had met someone a year prior to that. I met her for a second, and that was it. I do know where he is living but he doesn't know that I know. He has a new baby boy; I don't even know his name, yet he is my grandson. I know that he has two stepdaughters, but I don't know their names either.

I kept trying to call him but get no response. Now his phone is disconnected. I'm so lost and confused as well as upset. I miss him dearly.

He is my only child. He did a great job in school and had his own business after he graduated from high school. I am trying so hard to go on with my life, but it's so hard not knowing how he is, or whether he is safe, healthy and happy. He was a very good kid, and now he's a man. I just hope and pray that he will come around some day. -- Mom Is Lost

Dear Mom Is Lost: That stinks, Mom. I really feel for you. Your son has cut off communication with you for now, but remind yourself that this will not be forever. When and if he comes around, the most important thing to do is not get mad at him for ghosting you the way he did but rather to welcome him in with open arms. Give him lots of love, and at some point, he will explain why he left the way he did.

He might have been torn between wanting to grow up and be his own man while not wanting to hurt you and leave you alone. So instead of doing the mature thing and explaining all that to you, that he was leaving the nest, he just flew away in order to avoid a conflict or to deal with your hurt feelings.

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Comments

[conuly]

I don't know if Annie believes LW or if she just think that coddling is the way to go, but lol, no.

There are two options here. The first is that they weren't that close, because if they were really close and "always talked" then this would not have happened. Sounds like LW was controlling and Son escaped.

The other option is that his new spouse is controlling - but then LW really ought to be more concerned about it instead of going on and on and on about how heartbroken they are.

LW needs to stop stalking Son - don't think we all missed that creepy reference to knowing where he lives! - and get a life. And probably therapy, but definitely a life.

[lethe1]

Your son has cut off communication with you for now, but remind yourself that this will not be forever.

Won't it? Are these just meaningless comforting words, or do you have a crystal ball, Annie?

[firecat]

That bothered me too. I hate those lying platitudes. Say “it’s not necessarily forever,” at least

[mrissa]

I really did not think that Annie's job was to straight-up make things up.

[minoanmiss]

There's so much between the lines here than Annie just plain refused to read. wtf.

[dissectionist]

We were so close, and we always talked.

I bet this actually means “I constantly grilled him and invaded his privacy, and he learned to give me meaningless info and/or lie to me, because pretending to share everything with me was the path of least resistance until he could escape.”

[redbird]

"We always talked" is vague in other ways: did they have real conversations? Did LW monologue, and expect her son to listen whether or not he was interested? Did they spend a lot of time talking about something impersonal like baseball or television?

She could easily think "we talked all the time" and not realize that she had told him a lot about her friends and everyday activities, and knew nothing about his. Or that she knows a lot about her son's favorite teams in three or four sports, and has no idea of what he does when he's not watching sports.