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Hoping this is a fake letter
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 51-year-old mother and grandmother whose kids don't talk to me. The reason: My son, "Aaron," was sexually assaulted by his friend, "Eli," and I told him his friend was no longer allowed to come over. I spoke to Eli's mother. She told me she'd take care of it and agreed the two shouldn't hang out. They were both underage at the time. (Aaron was 10, and Eli was 13.)
A few months later, Aaron told me that it wasn't Eli but his own uncle "Joe" who sexually assaulted him. I knew better. I talked to Joe and, of course, he knew nothing. I told Aaron to stop lying about his uncle and that Eli still couldn't come over.
Aaron is an adult now, and he's got his siblings believing him about his uncle, and he's still friends with Eli. My husband and I moved next door to Joe, and now all the kids have blocked me from their and their kids' lives. When I tried to talk to Aaron about the situation, he blocked me completely. Joe knows nothing about what's going on. How do I get back into my children's and grandkids' lives? -- TURNED UPSIDE DOWN
DEAR TURNED: Could the boys have been experimenting with getting familiar with their bodies when all this occurred? Did you see something and confront your son and he admitted it? Aaron may have blamed Uncle Joe because he wanted to continue seeing Eli. Or ... was his accusation TRUE? You will not be able to heal the schism in your family until everyone is in agreement about what really happened when Aaron was 10.
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A few months later, Aaron told me that it wasn't Eli but his own uncle "Joe" who sexually assaulted him. I knew better. I talked to Joe and, of course, he knew nothing. I told Aaron to stop lying about his uncle and that Eli still couldn't come over.
Aaron is an adult now, and he's got his siblings believing him about his uncle, and he's still friends with Eli. My husband and I moved next door to Joe, and now all the kids have blocked me from their and their kids' lives. When I tried to talk to Aaron about the situation, he blocked me completely. Joe knows nothing about what's going on. How do I get back into my children's and grandkids' lives? -- TURNED UPSIDE DOWN
DEAR TURNED: Could the boys have been experimenting with getting familiar with their bodies when all this occurred? Did you see something and confront your son and he admitted it? Aaron may have blamed Uncle Joe because he wanted to continue seeing Eli. Or ... was his accusation TRUE? You will not be able to heal the schism in your family until everyone is in agreement about what really happened when Aaron was 10.
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LW knows perfectly well why their kids won't talk to them, but let's add a few things - no matter what happened, as soon as Aaron made that second accusation (or, ideally, as soon as he made the first one), he should've been parked in therapy. Even if you think your child is making up malicious lies about family members, surely you want to know what's prompting this bizarre behavior?
And now that all the kids are adults, LW still thinks, what, that her son is just continuing a lie he started telling as a teenager? And their only concern is when they'll get to see the grandkids, of course.
LW, you blew it, and you're continuing to blow it, and at this point I don't think there's any way to fix it. But let's be honest, LW isn't really interested in fixing anything, not if it means changing their own behavior.
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(I remember an incident where she was convinced that I was "on drugs" because I had been crying about a situation with my crush, and didn't want to tell her about THAT . . . I had never used drugs or alcohol, and even volunteered to be taken to the police or hospital to get drug-tested, and she was convinced that I had SOME WAY OF GETTING AROUND DRUG TESTS. At age 14.)
So, yeah, I'm not at all certain that "Aaron" really accused "Eli" in the first place, but I do think it's pretty damn likely that Uncle Joe abused him.
And the LW shouldn't be allowed around children at all, period.
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1) Aaron and Eli experimented in part because Aaron was trying to make sense of the situation of what Uncle Joe did to him.
2) Mom asked Aaron a pile of leading accusatory questions about Eli a la your mother's horrible treatment of you (sheesh at her)
3) Aaron felt a desperate need to get something done and first falsely accused Eli and then revealed the actual perpetrator (from what I understand this is not uncommon, especially if Aaron rightly predicted whom his mother would and wouldn't believe him about).
4) There was more messiness going on which Mom doesn't know bcause she's obviously not a safe person to talk to (did Joe know Eli...?)
Anyway, yeah, Mom!LW has forfeited any contact with her family's children. She's made it quite clear she won't protect them from Uncle Joe, among other things.
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Dear LW: Why did you know better? How? Would you like to consider *talking* to your son rather than haranguing him?
Hrmp.
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You not only refuse to believe your son, you MOVE NEXT DOOR to his rapist. And you wonder why your family wants nothing to do with you? Christ on toast, lady.
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