(no subject)

[conuly]

My mother-in-law is always on a diet. Her house also happens to be where the family gathers monthly for meals. Lately, she has been serving lighter fare and no dessert so that she can eat more healthfully. We are fine with the lighter meals, but when we pushed back on dessert, she got upset and said we weren’t being supportive of her. These meals represent a tiny fraction of what she eats in a year, and I am frustrated that I have to compromise on dessert. (It doesn’t help that her diets are usually fads and not based in science.) Advice?

Let’s be more direct about what gathering regularly at your mother-in-law’s home for meals really means: She shops, preps, cooks and cleans for you. (Those meals don’t appear by magic, after all.) And now you have menu demands, too? No! The host creates the menu. And your annual percentage of food intake and assessment of your mother-in-law’s diets are irrelevant.

Knowing her feelings about dessert, you may offer to bring healthy, low-calorie treats: yogurt-and-berry parfaits, for instance. But take no for an answer, if that’s what you get. You can always host a dessert after-party at your own home — where you call the shots.

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Comments

[conuly]

If these meals represent a tiny fraction of what MIL eats then they represent a tinier fraction of what LW eats, because LW is not constantly on a diet. (I assume from the complaining.)

And, of course, this is wildly different from asking that MIL not serve deadly allergens, or provide a filling vegetarian dish (or at least allow LW to bring one). This is... dessert. If MIL wants her home to be dessert-free, that's no different from wanting it to be alcohol-free. Her home, her dinner, her choice. Nobody who doesn't live there gets a say.

LW has the option of eating a cookie afterwards, or not attending at all.

[dine]

wow, LW is so off-base here. if dessert is so damn important, head straight home after cleaning your plate, so you can eat pie, or better yet, leave a stash of cookies in the car to eat on the drive home.

[mrissa]

Seriously, LW's complaint is that once a month there isn't dessert in her life? Once a MONTH? "You are contractually obliged to provide me with a monthly cheesecake, ma'am"? What?

[ofearthandstars]

What in the entitlement? Lady, if that sweet is so important to you, stash a small piece of chocolate (cookie, donut, whatever) in your bag before you go to enjoy discreetly after the meal. Otherwise, it sounds like you're just looking to prolong the experience of being with your MIL and having someone host/take care of you.

[topaz_eyes]

Wow, LW sure sounds like a pleasant person...

[full_metal_ox]

So if MIL were, say, a recovering alcoholic, would LW insist that she keep booze in the house for company’s sake?

Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

The host is free to serve whatever she wishes in her own home, provided it doesn't injure other people.

Everyone else is free to accept or decline invitations to those meals. They could, for instance, choose to meet somewhere else and make or buy food more to their liking.