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Terrible families!
1. Dear Eric: I am in my late 30s. I live halfway across the country from my parents, and don't have the best relationship with them. I also have a brother four years younger than me who I have been estranged from for 20 years.
My brother doesn't live with my parents, but he lives in the same city my parents do. If I visit, my parents will tell him and have him come over. I have no intentions of reconciling with him, as he did some horrible things to me 20 years ago which I can never forgive him for.
With my parents, things don't get through unless I take drastic measures. How do I go about conveying my desires not to see him? My plan would be to tell them they have to tell him he can't come to their house while I'm there, and if they don't respect my wishes, I simply won't see them. And that my parents can't just say they want to see me and not respect my conditions for the visit. I wanted your perspective on how I can "lay down the law" and enforce it.
– Unwelcome Home
Dear Home: As “School House Rock” (and, ideally, civics class) taught us, there’s a lot of discussion that comes before a bill becomes a law. I like to think that similar processes can be helpful before “laying down the law.”
You don’t have to discuss or negotiate your internal boundaries. But conflict can often arise from a misalliance between our boundaries and others’ actions. We can only control the former.
Before giving your parents an ultimatum, it may help you and them to ask them why they keep inviting your brother to their home when you visit. This discussion also gives you the chance to explain, again, what is and isn’t doable for you. “Because of our history, it’s uncomfortable and distressing to be in the same space as him. To protect myself, I am choosing not. I want to see you, but I can’t come if he’s going to be here. Can you respect and love me enough to keep our visits just us?”
Framing it as a question doesn’t box them in, but it doesn’t require you to give up anything that’s important to you here. Additionally, presenting it to them this way keeps the conversation from drifting.
You don’t need to defend your decisions (and, in this context, they don’t either). Instead, you can both focus on what’s possible moving forward. If they say that they can’t respect what you’re asking, tell them you’re sorry they feel this way but, as you stated, to protect yourself you have to stay away from him. Leave the door open for them to visit you or to change their minds.
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2. Dear Annie: I'm 28 and recently moved back in with my parents to save money after a tough breakup. I'm grateful for the support, but I'm having trouble with my mom's behavior. She constantly comments on my weight, how I dress, or how much I'm on my phone. Last week, she said I'd have "better luck" if I wore makeup and "put myself out there more."
I've tried brushing it off, but it's starting to wear me down. I've asked her, gently, to stop making comments about my appearance, but she just laughs and says she's "trying to help." My dad usually stays quiet or tells me not to be so sensitive.
I really want to move out, but I can't afford to just yet. Do I have to suffer through the next few months or is there a way to get through to her? -- Tired Daughter in Transition
Dear Tired Daughter: Probably a little bit of both. Mothers offering unsolicited opinions is a tale as old as time, but I'm guessing she'd back off if you shut it down firmly: "Please don't comment on my appearance. It's not helpful."
She may never change, but you can control how much you engage.
Link two
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3. Dear Annie: My wife and I visit our daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter two or three times a year for about three days each visit. It's a five- to six-hour drive for us. Both my wife and I have severe asthma primarily from cat allergies, and we struggle with wheezing and irritated eyes every time we visit. My SIL has cat allergies, too.
Recently, their cat died (finally), and I urged my daughter to consider not getting another one. I explained our situation clearly, stating that if she did so, we'd have to stay at a hotel or B&B during future visits. She just got two more cats.
What would you think? -- Allergic and Angry
Dear Allergic: How your daughter and her husband balance having cats with his allergies is their business. But asking her not to get more pets simply for your sake isn't fair.
Staying with them might be convenient, but that's only a handful of days each year. If having two cats brings her joy, she's free to have them, just as you're free to book a hotel, pack your inhalers and stock up on allergy meds. Win-win.
Link three
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4. Dear Annie: My husband, "Keith," and I have been married for 12 years. We've always been a team when it comes to parenting our two kids, ages 9 and 6, but lately I've noticed a shift. Keith has become increasingly harsh with them, especially our oldest, "Ben." He'll snap over small things -- like a jacket left on the floor or a missed chore -- and his tone has turned cold and critical.
I've brought it up several times, but Keith insists he's "just trying to teach them responsibility." I understand that, but I worry he's doing more harm than good. Ben has started shutting down emotionally, and our younger one is now walking on eggshells.
When I try to step in and soften things, Keith accuses me of "undermining" him. I'm stuck between protecting my kids and maintaining a united front as parents. I've suggested counseling, but he refuses, saying we don't need it.
How do I support my children without turning this into a bigger conflict between me and my husband? And how do I get Keith to see that his approach may be damaging? -- Worried Wife and Mom
Dear Worried: Parenting is a balancing act between being a rule enforcer and being a safe space. While Keith's intentions may be good, snapping over small things is not an effective way to get the message across. In fact, it'll probably backfire.
When you confront Keith, describe what you're seeing, not just what you feel: "Ben barely speaks at dinner after you scolded him for forgetting to sweep." Keep the focus on impact, not intention.
If he won't go to counseling, go without him -- for yourself and your children. A counselor can help you find strategies to navigate this dynamic and support your kids emotionally.
Link four
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5. Dear Care and Feeding,
I was once an academic competition prodigy. I was one word away from making the National Spelling Bee. My family would always attend these events, including my sister. However, when my sister started her own events, like the middle school choir, my disdain for attending was quite obvious through my groans and moans. I was a high schooler myself and quite self-centered. At her graduation, I volunteered not to go and opted instead to meet them at the restaurant where we would be celebrating.
I was 100 percent wrong for doing this. Now I am two years out of college, and my sister is almost done with her undergraduate degree. Since then, we haven’t really talked, though things are mostly cordial between us. I can count the conversations I’ve had with her since I turned 18 on one hand. My sister frequently states that when she makes it out, she probably will be a stranger to the family, and she doesn’t respond a lot to my parents or other family when they contact her. I admit that we don’t have many common interests, and I don’t know much about her, but it feels wrong not to be close to your own sister. Is there anything I can do, or is this relationship beyond repair?
—Is There a Chance?
Dear Is There a Chance?
It’s never too late to try to develop relationships with those we care about! But it will be up to you to make the effort. It seems as if your sister has accepted the distance between her and the family. She doesn’t feel close or supported—not just by you but also by your parents. I’m not sure what the greater issue is here, but it’s not only missing these events or groaning through them. There’s a bigger reason why she feels alienated from the family.
You can absolutely reach out. I think you should be the one to extend a hand to bring her back into the fold, since it seems she will likely be more distant with time. I would meet up with her on her terms: where she is, in a place that is currently familiar to her, doing something she likes to do. Show interest in her and her life. Does she like the theater? What about art? Do a little work and plan something that shows you are really making an effort. Oftentimes, we just shoot people a text and then say, “Oh, I tried to reconnect.” But in reality, we didn’t put that much effort in, and the other person knows it and can feel that.
I do think that there is more to what’s going on here in this overall relationship, but reaching out to plan something is a good first step. I will add, though, that you should be doing this because you truly want to get to know your sister better and not just because it feels wrong not to be close to her. If your attempt at reaching out does not feel authentic to her, it’s not going to work. And it might require a bit more introspection on your part to think about why this may be.
—Arionne
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6. Dear Care and Feeding,
In the ‘70s and ‘80s, my learning disabilities were undiagnosed, and I was the “stupid” one in the family. As an adult, I know myself to be very intelligent, but my siblings never realized this, and they have passed on their attitudes to their school-age children.
The kids do not believe me when I speak to them about current events or anything fact-based. When they ask an adult at large to spell something, and I reply, they check my response with another adult. I told one of them a medical fact, and they told me flatly that their parent was much, much smarter, and their parent said otherwise, so I must be wrong. (The fact that I do not work due to a medical issue probably contributes to their perception of me as extremely unintelligent.)
My siblings think this is hilarious. I am hurt. I want to have a relationship with the kids while I still can. I have tried explaining learning disabilities and multiple intelligences to the kids, but I think they just see it as me lecturing them. I only see them every few months anyway. Is this battle even worth fighting? If so, how?
—The Uncle
Dear the Uncle,
I want to first acknowledge how hurtful it is to have your family see you in this light. But going back to your question: Is this battle even worth fighting? I say, to a point. School-age children have a lot of growing up still left to do. As they get older and their worlds widen, so will their viewpoints. Right now, what their parents tell them might be the end-all be-all, but that won’t always be the case. One day, they might surprise you with their newfound worldview, and even, hopefully, regret over the way they’ve dismissed you.
That future might not even be so far off. The kids might be a bit too old for this, but more and more children’s programming and learning are incorporating characters and people with different disabilities. For example, PBS Kids just introduced Paolo, a non-speaking autistic character who uses an Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC), in its show Carl the Collector. The actor who voiced Paolo, Odin Frost, is also non-speaking and uses a device, so kids are learning that people communicate in so many different ways. (If your niblings are of the right age, you might even suggest a show like this to their parents.)
I would continue to talk to the kids because I don’t think your lessons—or your example—is in vain. But, I would only continue trying in ways that are not frustrating for you. Explain your point, but if you see a conversation turning left, end it. Protect yourself and your feelings first!
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7. DEAR HARRIETTE: How do I get someone who believes in tough love to understand that that does not resonate with me? For a long time, my siblings and I have had strained relationships with our mom because of how crass she can be. She has strong and often negative opinions, and she is not shy about sharing them. I was recently admitted to a two-year college. I am in my late 20s and didn't prioritize college when I was 18 like my parents wanted.
Apparently, there's still some resentment there, because when I announced which school I'd be going to, my mom snickered and asked me if I was proud of that school. When she realized that she had offended me, she said that she was trying to encourage me. I can't keep letting her impose her negativity on me. Mocking me is NOT encouragement. I don't know how to get her to see that, though. -- Never Good Enough
DEAR NEVER GOOD ENOUGH: Not getting the support you crave from your mother has to be heart-wrenching. While I do not have a recommendation on how to resolve that, I can suggest that you surround yourself with other people who can serve as cheerleaders. Who is close to you who is proud of your current choice? Who naturally encourages you when you are feeling low and celebrates your small victories? Be sure to stay in touch with those people.
Forgive your mother for her crass ways. She probably doesn't mean to hurt your feelings, but that doesn't make her snipes any less sharp. Do your best not to take her comments personally. If you can, stop seeking her validation.
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8. DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently got into a heated argument with my dad, and it's been bothering me ever since. The fight started when I told him I wanted to move to a different city for a job opportunity. He criticized my decision, saying I was being reckless and that I should stay closer to home where things are "safe" and familiar. I tried to explain why this move was important for my career and independence, but he kept bringing up past choices he didn't agree with, like leaving my old job and choosing a career path he hadn't expected. Before I knew it, I was yelling back, telling him that I need to make my own decisions and that his constant criticism feels controlling.
We haven't spoken in a few days, and I feel a mix of frustration, guilt and sadness. I love my dad and value his opinion, but I feel like he doesn't trust me to make my own choices. I want to reach out and repair our relationship, but I don't want to be the only one apologizing if he doesn't acknowledge his role in the argument. How do I approach him in a way that expresses my feelings honestly while also opening the door for reconciliation? Is it possible to set boundaries and stand firm on my decisions without damaging our relationship further? -- Dad Divide
DEAR DAD DIVIDE: What you need to understand is that your father's motivation is to protect you. What he needs to understand is that you are at the stage in your life where you need to make your own decisions. Reach out to him and set a time to talk face to face. Acknowledge that you know he just wants the best for you and you appreciate that, but you need him to understand that you have to make decisions for yourself. Add that you would love it if he would support you even when you make mistakes.
Don't expect an apology. Hope for a bit of a change in behavior -- an effort to give you space.
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My brother doesn't live with my parents, but he lives in the same city my parents do. If I visit, my parents will tell him and have him come over. I have no intentions of reconciling with him, as he did some horrible things to me 20 years ago which I can never forgive him for.
With my parents, things don't get through unless I take drastic measures. How do I go about conveying my desires not to see him? My plan would be to tell them they have to tell him he can't come to their house while I'm there, and if they don't respect my wishes, I simply won't see them. And that my parents can't just say they want to see me and not respect my conditions for the visit. I wanted your perspective on how I can "lay down the law" and enforce it.
– Unwelcome Home
Dear Home: As “School House Rock” (and, ideally, civics class) taught us, there’s a lot of discussion that comes before a bill becomes a law. I like to think that similar processes can be helpful before “laying down the law.”
You don’t have to discuss or negotiate your internal boundaries. But conflict can often arise from a misalliance between our boundaries and others’ actions. We can only control the former.
Before giving your parents an ultimatum, it may help you and them to ask them why they keep inviting your brother to their home when you visit. This discussion also gives you the chance to explain, again, what is and isn’t doable for you. “Because of our history, it’s uncomfortable and distressing to be in the same space as him. To protect myself, I am choosing not. I want to see you, but I can’t come if he’s going to be here. Can you respect and love me enough to keep our visits just us?”
Framing it as a question doesn’t box them in, but it doesn’t require you to give up anything that’s important to you here. Additionally, presenting it to them this way keeps the conversation from drifting.
You don’t need to defend your decisions (and, in this context, they don’t either). Instead, you can both focus on what’s possible moving forward. If they say that they can’t respect what you’re asking, tell them you’re sorry they feel this way but, as you stated, to protect yourself you have to stay away from him. Leave the door open for them to visit you or to change their minds.
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2. Dear Annie: I'm 28 and recently moved back in with my parents to save money after a tough breakup. I'm grateful for the support, but I'm having trouble with my mom's behavior. She constantly comments on my weight, how I dress, or how much I'm on my phone. Last week, she said I'd have "better luck" if I wore makeup and "put myself out there more."
I've tried brushing it off, but it's starting to wear me down. I've asked her, gently, to stop making comments about my appearance, but she just laughs and says she's "trying to help." My dad usually stays quiet or tells me not to be so sensitive.
I really want to move out, but I can't afford to just yet. Do I have to suffer through the next few months or is there a way to get through to her? -- Tired Daughter in Transition
Dear Tired Daughter: Probably a little bit of both. Mothers offering unsolicited opinions is a tale as old as time, but I'm guessing she'd back off if you shut it down firmly: "Please don't comment on my appearance. It's not helpful."
She may never change, but you can control how much you engage.
Link two
3. Dear Annie: My wife and I visit our daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter two or three times a year for about three days each visit. It's a five- to six-hour drive for us. Both my wife and I have severe asthma primarily from cat allergies, and we struggle with wheezing and irritated eyes every time we visit. My SIL has cat allergies, too.
Recently, their cat died (finally), and I urged my daughter to consider not getting another one. I explained our situation clearly, stating that if she did so, we'd have to stay at a hotel or B&B during future visits. She just got two more cats.
What would you think? -- Allergic and Angry
Dear Allergic: How your daughter and her husband balance having cats with his allergies is their business. But asking her not to get more pets simply for your sake isn't fair.
Staying with them might be convenient, but that's only a handful of days each year. If having two cats brings her joy, she's free to have them, just as you're free to book a hotel, pack your inhalers and stock up on allergy meds. Win-win.
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4. Dear Annie: My husband, "Keith," and I have been married for 12 years. We've always been a team when it comes to parenting our two kids, ages 9 and 6, but lately I've noticed a shift. Keith has become increasingly harsh with them, especially our oldest, "Ben." He'll snap over small things -- like a jacket left on the floor or a missed chore -- and his tone has turned cold and critical.
I've brought it up several times, but Keith insists he's "just trying to teach them responsibility." I understand that, but I worry he's doing more harm than good. Ben has started shutting down emotionally, and our younger one is now walking on eggshells.
When I try to step in and soften things, Keith accuses me of "undermining" him. I'm stuck between protecting my kids and maintaining a united front as parents. I've suggested counseling, but he refuses, saying we don't need it.
How do I support my children without turning this into a bigger conflict between me and my husband? And how do I get Keith to see that his approach may be damaging? -- Worried Wife and Mom
Dear Worried: Parenting is a balancing act between being a rule enforcer and being a safe space. While Keith's intentions may be good, snapping over small things is not an effective way to get the message across. In fact, it'll probably backfire.
When you confront Keith, describe what you're seeing, not just what you feel: "Ben barely speaks at dinner after you scolded him for forgetting to sweep." Keep the focus on impact, not intention.
If he won't go to counseling, go without him -- for yourself and your children. A counselor can help you find strategies to navigate this dynamic and support your kids emotionally.
Link four
5. Dear Care and Feeding,
I was once an academic competition prodigy. I was one word away from making the National Spelling Bee. My family would always attend these events, including my sister. However, when my sister started her own events, like the middle school choir, my disdain for attending was quite obvious through my groans and moans. I was a high schooler myself and quite self-centered. At her graduation, I volunteered not to go and opted instead to meet them at the restaurant where we would be celebrating.
I was 100 percent wrong for doing this. Now I am two years out of college, and my sister is almost done with her undergraduate degree. Since then, we haven’t really talked, though things are mostly cordial between us. I can count the conversations I’ve had with her since I turned 18 on one hand. My sister frequently states that when she makes it out, she probably will be a stranger to the family, and she doesn’t respond a lot to my parents or other family when they contact her. I admit that we don’t have many common interests, and I don’t know much about her, but it feels wrong not to be close to your own sister. Is there anything I can do, or is this relationship beyond repair?
—Is There a Chance?
Dear Is There a Chance?
It’s never too late to try to develop relationships with those we care about! But it will be up to you to make the effort. It seems as if your sister has accepted the distance between her and the family. She doesn’t feel close or supported—not just by you but also by your parents. I’m not sure what the greater issue is here, but it’s not only missing these events or groaning through them. There’s a bigger reason why she feels alienated from the family.
You can absolutely reach out. I think you should be the one to extend a hand to bring her back into the fold, since it seems she will likely be more distant with time. I would meet up with her on her terms: where she is, in a place that is currently familiar to her, doing something she likes to do. Show interest in her and her life. Does she like the theater? What about art? Do a little work and plan something that shows you are really making an effort. Oftentimes, we just shoot people a text and then say, “Oh, I tried to reconnect.” But in reality, we didn’t put that much effort in, and the other person knows it and can feel that.
I do think that there is more to what’s going on here in this overall relationship, but reaching out to plan something is a good first step. I will add, though, that you should be doing this because you truly want to get to know your sister better and not just because it feels wrong not to be close to her. If your attempt at reaching out does not feel authentic to her, it’s not going to work. And it might require a bit more introspection on your part to think about why this may be.
—Arionne
Link five
6. Dear Care and Feeding,
In the ‘70s and ‘80s, my learning disabilities were undiagnosed, and I was the “stupid” one in the family. As an adult, I know myself to be very intelligent, but my siblings never realized this, and they have passed on their attitudes to their school-age children.
The kids do not believe me when I speak to them about current events or anything fact-based. When they ask an adult at large to spell something, and I reply, they check my response with another adult. I told one of them a medical fact, and they told me flatly that their parent was much, much smarter, and their parent said otherwise, so I must be wrong. (The fact that I do not work due to a medical issue probably contributes to their perception of me as extremely unintelligent.)
My siblings think this is hilarious. I am hurt. I want to have a relationship with the kids while I still can. I have tried explaining learning disabilities and multiple intelligences to the kids, but I think they just see it as me lecturing them. I only see them every few months anyway. Is this battle even worth fighting? If so, how?
—The Uncle
Dear the Uncle,
I want to first acknowledge how hurtful it is to have your family see you in this light. But going back to your question: Is this battle even worth fighting? I say, to a point. School-age children have a lot of growing up still left to do. As they get older and their worlds widen, so will their viewpoints. Right now, what their parents tell them might be the end-all be-all, but that won’t always be the case. One day, they might surprise you with their newfound worldview, and even, hopefully, regret over the way they’ve dismissed you.
That future might not even be so far off. The kids might be a bit too old for this, but more and more children’s programming and learning are incorporating characters and people with different disabilities. For example, PBS Kids just introduced Paolo, a non-speaking autistic character who uses an Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC), in its show Carl the Collector. The actor who voiced Paolo, Odin Frost, is also non-speaking and uses a device, so kids are learning that people communicate in so many different ways. (If your niblings are of the right age, you might even suggest a show like this to their parents.)
I would continue to talk to the kids because I don’t think your lessons—or your example—is in vain. But, I would only continue trying in ways that are not frustrating for you. Explain your point, but if you see a conversation turning left, end it. Protect yourself and your feelings first!
Link six
7. DEAR HARRIETTE: How do I get someone who believes in tough love to understand that that does not resonate with me? For a long time, my siblings and I have had strained relationships with our mom because of how crass she can be. She has strong and often negative opinions, and she is not shy about sharing them. I was recently admitted to a two-year college. I am in my late 20s and didn't prioritize college when I was 18 like my parents wanted.
Apparently, there's still some resentment there, because when I announced which school I'd be going to, my mom snickered and asked me if I was proud of that school. When she realized that she had offended me, she said that she was trying to encourage me. I can't keep letting her impose her negativity on me. Mocking me is NOT encouragement. I don't know how to get her to see that, though. -- Never Good Enough
DEAR NEVER GOOD ENOUGH: Not getting the support you crave from your mother has to be heart-wrenching. While I do not have a recommendation on how to resolve that, I can suggest that you surround yourself with other people who can serve as cheerleaders. Who is close to you who is proud of your current choice? Who naturally encourages you when you are feeling low and celebrates your small victories? Be sure to stay in touch with those people.
Forgive your mother for her crass ways. She probably doesn't mean to hurt your feelings, but that doesn't make her snipes any less sharp. Do your best not to take her comments personally. If you can, stop seeking her validation.
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8. DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently got into a heated argument with my dad, and it's been bothering me ever since. The fight started when I told him I wanted to move to a different city for a job opportunity. He criticized my decision, saying I was being reckless and that I should stay closer to home where things are "safe" and familiar. I tried to explain why this move was important for my career and independence, but he kept bringing up past choices he didn't agree with, like leaving my old job and choosing a career path he hadn't expected. Before I knew it, I was yelling back, telling him that I need to make my own decisions and that his constant criticism feels controlling.
We haven't spoken in a few days, and I feel a mix of frustration, guilt and sadness. I love my dad and value his opinion, but I feel like he doesn't trust me to make my own choices. I want to reach out and repair our relationship, but I don't want to be the only one apologizing if he doesn't acknowledge his role in the argument. How do I approach him in a way that expresses my feelings honestly while also opening the door for reconciliation? Is it possible to set boundaries and stand firm on my decisions without damaging our relationship further? -- Dad Divide
DEAR DAD DIVIDE: What you need to understand is that your father's motivation is to protect you. What he needs to understand is that you are at the stage in your life where you need to make your own decisions. Reach out to him and set a time to talk face to face. Acknowledge that you know he just wants the best for you and you appreciate that, but you need him to understand that you have to make decisions for yourself. Add that you would love it if he would support you even when you make mistakes.
Don't expect an apology. Hope for a bit of a change in behavior -- an effort to give you space.
Link eight
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LW needs to stop visiting. Phone calls only, and keep things strictly light. When they show they can be trusted, LW can try trusting them with personal information, but frankly, they're probably passing it onto Brother, whether or not he's interested.
2. Allow me to provide a link to Saki. Actually, half these LWs could benefit from the advice in this short story, if only they could bring themselves to take it.
Anyway, assuming LW2 doesn't want to start blowing an airhorn every time Mom opens her fool mouth, if it really *is* only a few months then maybe she should just suck it up after all. And never move back home again.
3. I don't know what the columnist thinks, LW3, but what I think is that your daughter would rather have cats than houseguests. Stay in a hotel or stay home.
4. LW4, the next time your husband tries to tell you that counseling isn't necessary, tell him it is necessary, as are parenting classes, and if he won't go you're calling a divorce attorney. That's where it's going to end up anyway if he doesn't change, so why delay?
5. Given that Sister wants to cut off what sounds like the entire family, starting with the parents and LW and moving on from there, I think it's fair to say that LW5 is not responsible for this situation. They can, however, take steps to try to mend it - starting with a sincere apology to Sister for wronging her, with the understanding that Sister is not obligated to accept.
LW5 may benefit from counseling. If the home was that bad, they both were affected. Yes, even if the parents blatantly liked them more.
6. Allow me to quote the movie Harvey: "In this world, you must be oh so smart, or oh so pleasant. Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant."
LW6, your family is terrible. It's awful for your poor niblings, who have to grow up in this milieu, but there's no reason you should put up with it for their sake. Stop talking to your terrible siblings and your terrible parents and your terrible family. If you can't bring yourself to cut them off entirely, restrict contact to a single card on Christmas and a phone call each on Thanksgiving and each person's birthday. Then stop trying.
7. LW7, ignore Harriette. You don't need to forgive shit. Mom absolutely *did* mean to hurt your feelings. She's a grown woman, not a toddler. She knows what she's doing. Limit contact with your mother until you are totally independent. Then you can cut it off entirely.
8. I have said it before and I will say it again: When you discuss your choices with other people, you are sending the message that your choices are up for discussion. And if they're not, they're not, so don't do it.
Whatever LW does about this particular argument, going forward they need to stop allowing Dad any say in their decisions. Don't tell him about career changes or moves until they're already done, and if he says anything, hang up the phone. Being firm is the best way to maintain a relationship with a person who is determined to be unreasonable.
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It had been a long time since I read that story, so thank you for reminding me of it.
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Ahahahaha bet she wooooon't. I mean, go ahead and try it, there's nothing wrong with trying! But. This is not a person who is interested in hearing other opinions about whether she's being helpful.
7. She probably doesn't mean to hurt your feelings, but that doesn't make her snipes any less sharp.
Literally where is any data that says that she doesn't mean to hurt LW's feelings. Where.
8. What you need to understand is that your father's motivation is to protect you.
Maaaaaybe. But maybe it's to control LW and keep them close to home. Maybe it's both! But I don't think we have the data to say that it's definitely just protection.
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Dear LW3:
"(finally)"?!? WTF.
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