Dear Abby:Man's Moodiness Following Heart Attack Puts Wife on Edge

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: My husband had a heart attack last year, and since then he has become extremely volatile. He explodes for no reason and threatens me. He does not want me to talk about it to his doctor, and he's scaring me regularly. I don't know what to do. I think it may have to do with all the medications he's taking, but I'm not "allowed" to talk to the doctor. He is moody and making me fearful. Help. -- SCARED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SCARED: Obviously, something isn't right. Call the doctor anyway. If the doctor refuses to talk with you, write him a letter about the changes in your husband's behavior, his explosive temper and your concern that it might be medication-related. If, after that, nothing changes, talk with a licensed mental health professional about what has been going on.

If you feel you are in danger, call 911. You should not have to live in fear, and if this isn't resolved, you may have to leave the marriage for your own safety.

Comments

[malnpudl]

FWIW, I faced a situation a year or two ago where a friend who'd been prescribed a long-term regime of oral steroids had a side effect of significant personality changes. They made her so short-tempered and critical and negative that I feared she might end our friendship. She and I have the same primary care doctor so I described the situation without naming "my friend" and he said that I should tell her doctor(s) about what I was observing. The doctor(s) wouldn't be able to discuss their patient with me, but it would be acceptable and helpful for me to communicate with the doc(s). He said writing it in a letter would probably work best. I said I'd do that with the prescribing doc (someone else), but by the way, I was talking about [friend's name] so he could consider himself informed, and enough said.

Bottom line: Doc may not be legally permitted to talk with the wife about her husband's health & care (depending on the law in the country where they live and release docs signed or not). But the wife is definitely allowed to tell the doc about her husband.