Surprisingly good advice from Annie, I want to save it for posterity

[conuly]

Dear Annie: My sister "Kendra" and I are not very close and only communicate two to three times per year, mainly in emails. Kendra sold her home and moved out of state. Through our sibling, I heard that she listed her house high to begin with and had to come down on her price in the end but made a decent amount on it. I never commented on how much she made or didn't make on her old house; I felt that was absolutely none of my business. When she moved and posted pictures of her new house, I commented that I was happy for her.

Fast-forward to me selling my home a year or so later. After my home sold, the information on it went out to the various housing sites, incorrectly showing that it took a loss. We actually did make a nice profit on it. The information that went out was a typo and was corrected about four weeks later.

Kendra was quick to reach out in an email stating she saw online how much we sold for and was surprised at the extreme money loss we took. She then asked if it was a short sale or foreclosure and commented that we must have been very upset about it.

I feel this was none of her business, even if it was the right information. Am I overreacting that I feel it was quite rude for her to comment on my personal business? How should I reply back to her? -- Perplexed

Dear Perplexed: It's never polite to comment on someone's finances -- especially if you are making a negative comment, as your sister did. The way you responded to her home sale -- congratulating her and keeping your nose out of her personal finances -- was just right.

To give Kendra the benefit of the doubt, it's possible she was simply surprised and reacted impulsively, or perhaps she was curious, or perhaps she missed you and was using this as an excuse to make contact. Whatever her reason, let her know about the corrected typo in your response, and then change the subject. Ask her about a hobby of hers or a trip that she recently took; this should make it clear that your bank account is not fair game for a conversation starter.

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Comments

[conuly]

Annie is quite right, for a change. Kendra's comment may have been inappropriate, but unless LW has some particular history that makes them think this was a deliberate dig at them then LW should try to assume good intentions and just reply in a bland way and then change the subject.

(And the best part is that if Kendra doesn't have good intentions, the fact that she can't get under LW's skin will absolutely infuriate her.)

[movingfinger]

I'm not liking this thing where people stalk each other in the real estate market. MYOB, Kendra and LW, and your cool relationship won't become downright cold.

FWIW, I do wonder whether Kendra was awkwardly, skew-angledly, asking whether the LW and spouse are OK, but that's pure projection.

[conuly]

FWIW, I do wonder whether Kendra was awkwardly, skew-angledly, asking whether the LW and spouse are OK, but that's pure projection.

That is absolutely the kindest interpretation of all of this. Unless LW has a very good reason to think otherwise I'd absolutely encourage them to try to believe this one.

[full_metal_ox]

I'm not liking this thing where people stalk each other in the real estate market.

Is it invasive to look up your own old houses and apartments on the real estate market or Google Street View to see what later owners have done with them since (and how much you can still recognize?)

[conuly]

It's a bit weird to look up your sibling's old home so soon after they sold it.

[conuly]

(Unless, of course, you're in a family where this sort of thing is par for the course and everybody's cool with it, but obviously they're not because LW thinks it's bizarre and invasive and Kendra really ought to know that LW has a different idea of privacy than she does!)

[matsushima]

Is it invasive to look up your own old houses and apartments on the real estate market or Google Street View to see what later owners have done with them since (and how much you can still recognize?)
I don't think so? because you're not checking up on the new owners or looking for publicly available information about people you're in [some, limited in this case] contact with. Looking up a house on Google Street View isn't much different than hey, I'm in town, what if I drive by my old place?

[bookblather]

FWIW, I do wonder whether Kendra was awkwardly, skew-angledly, asking whether the LW and spouse are OK, but that's pure projection.

This is what I thought it was. My brother and I have a similar relationship, and if he called me with something like this, it would be his way of asking if I was okay money-wise and if I needed help. But then again, I know that's how my brother expresses concern, so maybe LW knows something different about Kendra.

[matsushima]

Thirding(?) this interpretation. Kendra saying LW "must have been very upset about it" makes me think it was a way of opening up the conversation for LW to be upset about it with her, maybe even an offer of support? (Emotional, if not financial.)

That said, LW and Kendra checking up on each other's house sales via publicly listed information instead of asking each other (or minding their own business) is a little weird.

[bookblather]

Oh, definitely weird.