(no subject)

[conuly]

DEAR HARRIETTE: Since I was young, I've found that I've always had strange anxiety-induced habits -- pulling at the edges of my hair, sucking my thumb, picking at scabs, etc. Over time, I'd find a solution, or I'd just sort of grow out of it. At present, I scratch the insides of my palms when I'm nervous, stressed or frustrated. I think I may do it at other times, but I haven't pinpointed all of the triggers. Lately, it's been out of control. I haven't been able to resolve this one, but I'm so ready to leave it behind. How do I find a lifetime solution for all these behavioral tics? -- Old Habits Die Hard

DEAR OLD HABITS DIE HARD: I feel your pain. When I was young, I used to suck my thumb; I couldn't stop myself. Someone finally suggested painting my fingernails with a solution that left a terrible taste on my finger. That helped, but ultimately it was mind over matter for me. I willed myself to stop. I'm sure that willpower was helped along by feeling ashamed that I was doing a childish thing.

I have learned that conscious breathing can help one to control any behavior. Breathe deeply and tell yourself that you are replacing a behavioral tic with a cleansing breath. This has worked for many challenges -- like shaking your leg; repeating "like," "you know" or "um"; and picking skin.

Since you mention stress as a trigger, you may also want to pay attention to what sets you off and do your best to avoid those things before they take over. Finally, a therapist may be able to help you develop healthier habits.

Link

Comments

[conuly]

Oh, fuck you, Harriette. Fuck you, and fuck your bullshit.

LW does not need to be told about the magic of willpower. LW needs to be told that there may be a medical explanation for this and that they should consult both with a therapist and also a psychiatrist.

[otter]

another explanation could be they live the stress of existing as autistic or otherwise neurodivergent in this world. My sister* has a lot of those things going on, and it's just how she stims.

*ETA - who is in her late 50s

[lilysea]

I feel like mentioning the wide range of sensory fidgets that exist in the world would have been a good idea here!

There are sensory fidgets for "ouch without harm"

there are sensory fidgets to chew on - from pen toppers to necklaces

there are even sensory fidgets where people use tweezers to get tiny objects out of a gel circle that are marketed as an alternative to skin-picking!

LW could see an occupational therapist for suggestions:

alternatively, a lot of sensory fidgets are not that expensive (because most sensory fidgets are effectively consumables mainly used by children), so you can just buy a few to try out

If I was answering this letter, I'd suggest LW try out these (prices are in AU $, US prices would be about half these) - eg if the AU price is $10, the US price would be $5

Soft silicone brush you can brush over your face/body without harm
https://yourcapabilitystore.com.au/products/tactile-sensory-brush?_pos=1&_sid=b345db774&_ss=r

this tool that lets people cause skin ouch without skin harm
https://yourcapabilitystore.com.au/products/kaiko-spikeyring-with-2-sensory-supports-by-kaiko-ouchwithout-harm-picking-support?_pos=48&_sid=b345db774&_ss=r

a nontoxic gel cube to squeeze
https://yourcapabilitystore.com.au/products/nice-cube-needoh?_pos=82&_sid=b345db774&_ss=r

a chewable pendant necklace made of foodsafe silicone
https://yourcapabilitystore.com.au/products/arks-krypto-bite%C2%AE-chewable-gem-necklace?variant=44903677886634

spikey massage roller for hands and feet
https://yourcapabilitystore.com.au/products/spikey-massage-roller-for-feet-hands-body?_pos=111&_sid=b345db774&_ss=r

Oh, and this is the one to substitute for skin picking/hair pulling
https://yourcapabilitystore.com.au/products/pick-em-starter-set-kaiko-picking-popping-hair-pulling-support?_pos=139&_sid=b345db774&_ss=r
Kaiko Picking, Popping & Hair Pulling Support

[conuly]

Oooh, sensory fidgets.

[lilysea]

It pays to shop around -

often one online shop which is branding itself as Very Serious Disability Business will sell fidgets for more $$

than the exact same items from an online shop which is branding itself as fun toys for kids

[lilysea]

I really like the squeezy Nee Doh cubes full of nontoxic goo, altho they keep breaking - opinion online varies between

"some individual units are a bad batch, mine have lasted a year or more" vs

"nope mine keep breaking"

I wonder if temperatures experienced during shipping make a difference?

I also really like the soft silicone brush for brushing over hands/arms/face

[princessofgeeks]

YES

This is terrible advice. There are definitely medical explanations and solutions. Definitely a psychiatrist is the first stop.

[matsushima]

Does Harriette really think LW hasn't thought of "willpower" as a possible solution to this problem?? 🙄

[conuly]

"Just say no!"

[yarnandglue]

This feels well above the letter-answerer's paygrade. :/

[topaz_eyes]

Most letters seem to be beyond this particular advice columnist's paygrade imho. :-\

[topaz_eyes]

Harriette, LW needs to be medically assessed for trichotillomania (hair pulling disorder) and dermatotillomania (excoriation disorder), which fall under obsessive-compulsive disorders. These worsen when one is anxious, stressed, or depressed. These are not simply "childish things" or "behavioral tics". They are truly distressing, often disfiguring, and lifelong. Treatment can help.

LW, please ignore Harriette and talk to your doctor.

[conuly]

Thanks for getting the specific words. If you don't want to mail that in to her, can I just copy and paste what you said and send her an email? Not that it'll likely do much good, but I guess it can't hurt.

hey, instead of doubling down on the caged animal

[feldman]

I've gotten a lot of benefit from:

1. mental and physical diagnosis, both figuring out meds and emotional skills
2. ditching the concept of willpower
3. re-approaching skin care/bodywork/hygiene/first aid through a lens of harm reduction and unmet sensory needs

LW has repeatedly demonstrated the ability to develop healthier habits! They'd like to not always be battling new damaging ones!

[minoanmiss]

Why is Hariette so consistently terrible and why does she still have a column? Ugh.

[conuly]

I think they get a lot of engagement from her hate-readers.

[carbonel]

Started from quite young, I sucked a couple of fingers -- a lot. These days, I'd call it a self-soothing activity, but it was just a "bad habit" back then. As I grew older (and was hassled about it in school), I learned to only do it privately, but it persisted.

And then one day, in my thirties, I realized that I hadn't done it for quite a while, and didn't feel the need anymore. It sure wasn't willpower and it wasn't that my life had improved all that much (I was clinically depressed much of that time), but it...just stopped. Brains and bodies are weird, that's all I can say.