Dear Prudence: I keep being asked to make cakes for free

[lilysea]

Dear Prudence, I used to be a professional baker in college and I continue to do it for friends and family. Two and a half years ago I did my cousin’s wedding cake but did not attend her wedding as I had small children at the time (it was adults only). I never got a thank you from her, written or otherwise, and my aunt even scolded me for not sending a gift! Rather than cause a fight, I sent my cousin a gift card and promptly knocked her and my aunt off the cake list. Every time they have asked, I have told them it wasn’t a good time or I was too busy. I have continued to make cakes for friends, co-workers, and other family. Only now my cousin is pregnant and wants me to do a cake at her baby shower—I told her no. Now my aunt and she are asking everyone why I hate my cousin and refuse to do the cake but will do it for strangers (I did a cake for a co-worker’s kid’s graduation). I want to strike back that I got thanked by those people but I don’t think it will be helpful. I can’t avoid them as we live in the same town and attend family events. Help! I don’t hate them but I don’t want to bake for them, what should I do? - Takes the cake

Dear Takes the cake, Continue to not make your cousin a cake, and to meet rudeness and prying with cheerful non-engagement. “I love Rourthenay, but my schedule won’t permit it. Have you tried ordering a cake from [NONDESCRIPT CAKE EMPORIUM NO. 7]? I hear they do great work.” If your aunt wants to complain all over town that her niece won’t make her a free cake, let her; I don’t think she’s going to be met with a great deal of sympathy.

Comments

[minoanmiss]

Today in entitled, over-reaching family members, and the people stuck with them...

[grammarwoman]

Wow, her relatives need a collective clue bat to the head - how many times does a person have to say NO for them to get the hint?

[eleanorjane]

Also, pro cake decorating is not cheap. One of my colleagues does it as a side job, and her work (rightly) commands impressive prices. I don't think her family realises the value of what they were getting for free.

[shirou]

I'm of two minds on this. On one hand, the LW certainly has no obligation to provide free cakes to anyone, least of all to ungrateful relatives. On the other hand, her refusal clearly is coming across as a penalty, and her silence means that her cousin has no idea what she's being penalized for. A bride has a lot to deal with, and a forgotten "thank you" if unfortunate but understandable. For all we know, the cousin has no idea her mother berated the LW for failing to send a gift (in addition to the cake), in which case I'm sympathetic the cousin's bewilderment as the LW's treatment of her.