My sister demanded that I dye my hair for her wedding. But I wore a wig instead

[lilysea]

Dear Prudence,

My sister got married recently. Some weeks before the big day, she pulled me aside and asked me to dye my bright blue and purple hair a more innocuous color so that I wouldn’t stand out too much. She wouldn’t listen to reason as to how I love my hair, nor as to how the process of bringing it to a more natural color would be difficult, expensive, and damaging. At the suggestion of a friend, I invested in an excellent honey-brown human hair wig, similar to my actual hair texture and length. Her big day went off without a hitch, and she never even seemed to notice my “innocuous” hair. At the end of the reception, after nearly everyone had left and my family and I were helping tidy up, I removed the wig.

My sister freaked out. She’s still angry, and she says that I violated her trust and that for the rest of her life when she looks at her wedding pictures of the family together or of me in the background, she’ll know that there’s blue-and-purple hair under there, and it will infuriate her. I don’t see any problem with what I did. I didn’t want to change my hair color for ONE day in her life, and I even invested in a hairpiece specifically meant to give her peace of mind. I hadn’t considered telling her about the wig beforehand, simply because she was busy and, as long as I showed up with “normal” hair, it should have been fine. How am I in the wrong here? Did I owe it to my sister to actually color my hair for her wedding? I wasn’t even a bridesmaid.
- Sister Wigging Out

Dear Sister Wigging Out: I shouldn’t be laughing at this, but I can’t help myself. The idea of your sister, years from now, surrounded by her loving husband, children, and grandchildren, staring sadly at her wedding photo album, a wizened figure pointing at a picture of you as she whispers, “But underneath ... underneath it was all blue and purple,” just tickles me to death. Imagine how ridiculous your apology would have to sound: “Sorry the brown hair I wore to your wedding wasn’t permanent enough.” Refuse to let your sister’s temper tantrum affect you. You did a very nice thing by changing your appearance to suit her mood in the first place. The fact that she got married does not entitle her to dictate the color of your hair. If she brings it up again, tell her the photos were lovely. And if she commands you not just to wear contacts but to get laser eye surgery for the birth of her first child, stand your ground.

Comments

[cereta]

Dude, a human-hair wig is not exactly cheap. I'd say the LW did more than her due diligence. I could just understand wanting her to change her hair color if she were in the wedding (I wouldn't require such a thing myself, but would probably go along with it if asked. Probably.), but even then, I can't see why she'd object to a wig that she didn't even know was a wig until the LW took it off.

I really hope that the day comes when the wedding industry's stranglehold on women, the one that convinces them that (a) this day is all about the bride and (b) THE most important day in a woman's life, will lessen. Because seriously, this is all out of control.

[shirou]

I give up. There are some people I will just never understand.

[jadelennox]

Thank all the powers that be for Prudie.

[minoanmiss]

Dear LW: I think you went above and beyond in fulfilling a ridiculous request, and I'm sorry your sister is this massively entitled.

[ayebydan]

I would never even have changed my hair.

I was chief bridesmaid at a wedding where the mother of the bride was irate I got a haircut a few weeks before which ruined her idea of how we'd look. Deal with it. It is a wedding and if how someone's hair looks on one day then you need to sit yourself down and ask yourself some questions.

[lunabee34]

OMG, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I cannot imagine getting irate with someone for cutting their hair. I don't even understand how that could matter to anybody.

[ayebydan]

Oh that was only part of it.

At the time I was a UK 30HH bust. Basically I had a tiny tiny waist but huge breasts. She had met me before. She knew I was huge and that they were oddly heavy. When I turned up for dress fittings it was was dress with fabric straps but built in corset/bra and I was concerned then that it would not hold me up. I said at the time showing it in the mirror holding me didn't mean it could hold me all day but the ladies assured me they had done my size. They then, without my permission, cupped my breasts and hauled my boobs about and agreed they could deal with me as I stood there realing at the assault.


I got a txt telling me the dress was then going to be strapless but again assured it would be ok.

Well on the day there was the hair faff and then as soon as I had my dress on the first comment I got was 'oh god put them away!' ...as if my tits had been a secret to this person?

Well needless to say my dress did nothing but slide further and further down as the day went on. The corset buckled under the weight as I SAID it would. At each picture for the wedding reception I had to push myself up and in. And I </ i> was the one blamed. AS if I had bolted them on that morning. I ended up changing out my fancy dress just after dinner and into a £10 dress I got somewhere cheap while everyone asked why I wasn't in the dress (don't want to flash you!) or the shoes (can't walk. narrow shoes to my wide fit! again mentioned!). It was an experience :P

[shirou]

Blamed for your own body. Wtf.

My wife had bridesmaids with significantly different body shapes and sizes. She chose the color and asked them each to pick dresses in that color that suited them. She found this liberating! One less thing to deal with!

[ayebydan]

I'm just glad I had the self awareness and strength to be honest and say 'well I said but' to anyone that asked.

[the_rck]

I originally told my bridesmaids to pick dresses for themselves that they liked and that 'won't give my grandma a heart attack. My soon to be SIL pushed me to pick a color, so I said, 'Blue. Any shade.'

Guess which bridesmaid wore a dress with large purple flowers and big green leaves on a white background?

[fairestcat]

Both times I've been a bridesmaid this was what the bride did and it worked out great.

[lunabee34]

That's what I did. I took all the bridesmaids to a store and told them to pick out the dress. They did, and all of them wore the dress on other occasions beyond the wedding.

[ayebydan]

Such a better way to do things.

[lunabee34]

Oh my word!

That is something else.

I'm not quite as busty as you, but I have large breasts on a small frame, too, and it's a science to dress that bust. I can't believe she was upset with you when you were so honest about how the garment would wear on you.

People boggle the mind.

[ayebydan]

You know there is an issue when the amount of breast I had showing from the start was more than most people have in boob period. And in general who has the first wearing of the dress be the day of the wedding?!

[lunabee34]

That's just ridiculous. Alterations are not really possible the day of.

Wow.

[neotoma]

... I could wear a strapless dress, if was cut to go with the spring-steel-boned corset that I had custom-made for me, because I too am gifted with boobs of doom.

I am furious on your behalf that this store tried to sell you on the idea that their bridesmaid dress was going to work without serious foundation garments, which they were *not* forthcoming with.

Also, for the love of pete -- shoes that you can walk in and not trip in are kind of a necessity when everyone is going to watch a wedding procession. What were they thinking?!

[ayebydan]

Yeah it was 5 years ago and I'm still seething. I mean I change my daily expensive bras because the wire buckles. I had never even tried the dress on until the day either. The whole thing was ridiculous.

They were imagining pictures and not being practical.

I have tendontis in my feet and said 'no stilettos, I have wide feet, I'll need to be there/pick my own shoes' Nah. Swore I'd never be a witness of any sort again.

I mean I also got flack for not singing the hyms or prayers when I am a known atheist. I wasn't the cinderella figure desired so...ah well.