I have a somewhat exaggerated startle reflex. When I was a kid, my mother got her nose broken when she reached over to tickle me from behind. Got her in the face with the back of my head. (I'd like to say she stopped deliberately trying to make me jump after that, but no, I had to take drastic measures later. The story has, however, stopped other people from doing the same thing, so there's that.)
Over the years I've managed to get the jumping down significantly, but with a corresponding increase in screaming. People I've screamed at include the pizza guy (he came to the back door instead of the front, I was not expecting to see him there), every one of my relatives multiple times, and my cat (she was sitting on my keyboard, I was not expecting to see her there). My relatives are used to this. Strangers are... not. They are not.
Hilariously, I don't particularly feel anything when this happens. My brain goes right towards "jump and/or let out an earsplitting wordless shriek" and bypasses steps like "increase heart rate and breathing". But judging from their reactions, other people not only find this alarming but also assume I must have some intense feeling of some sort. They try to reassure me and I stand there going "Seriously, it's just a thing, if you're okay we can move on".
Anyway, I finally stopped my mother by walking off every time she tried to touch me. It took a while, but she eventually got the message the time I stopped an elevator on the next floor, got off, and went home instead of hanging out with her.
LW clearly does not have my little startle issue, but nobody else has to know that. It would not be unusual in a person with PTSD, which also would not be unusual in her situation. I'd recommend that the next time this boor attacks her, LW screams very loud, then pushes her away and shouts "Stop touching me! It hurts!" before leaving the gathering. And I do mean leaving - get her things, get in her car, and if anybody asks say "You all know why I don't like being hugged without permission. I need to go home and calm down."
People may talk about her behind her back, but I can guarantee that she won't have to deal with this nonsense for too much longer. (And if she does, then she'll know and can stop going to any of their parties henceforth. Why spend time with people like that?)
Sometimes I think that the trouble with our society is that all the wrong people throw all the tantrums. A well-placed storm out can do you a world of good, just so long as you don't misuse the tactic.
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Over the years I've managed to get the jumping down significantly, but with a corresponding increase in screaming. People I've screamed at include the pizza guy (he came to the back door instead of the front, I was not expecting to see him there), every one of my relatives multiple times, and my cat (she was sitting on my keyboard, I was not expecting to see her there). My relatives are used to this. Strangers are... not. They are not.
Hilariously, I don't particularly feel anything when this happens. My brain goes right towards "jump and/or let out an earsplitting wordless shriek" and bypasses steps like "increase heart rate and breathing". But judging from their reactions, other people not only find this alarming but also assume I must have some intense feeling of some sort. They try to reassure me and I stand there going "Seriously, it's just a thing, if you're okay we can move on".
Anyway, I finally stopped my mother by walking off every time she tried to touch me. It took a while, but she eventually got the message the time I stopped an elevator on the next floor, got off, and went home instead of hanging out with her.
LW clearly does not have my little startle issue, but nobody else has to know that. It would not be unusual in a person with PTSD, which also would not be unusual in her situation. I'd recommend that the next time this boor attacks her, LW screams very loud, then pushes her away and shouts "Stop touching me! It hurts!" before leaving the gathering. And I do mean leaving - get her things, get in her car, and if anybody asks say "You all know why I don't like being hugged without permission. I need to go home and calm down."
People may talk about her behind her back, but I can guarantee that she won't have to deal with this nonsense for too much longer. (And if she does, then she'll know and can stop going to any of their parties henceforth. Why spend time with people like that?)
Sometimes I think that the trouble with our society is that all the wrong people throw all the tantrums. A well-placed storm out can do you a world of good, just so long as you don't misuse the tactic.