agonyaunt | (no subject)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Over Memorial Day weekend, I hosted a small get-together at my home with my extended family. My cousin brought her 1-year-old son, who's just starting to walk and explore the world around him. He's a sweet little boy and was especially fascinated by my dog. The problem is that my dog has never been great around small children. He's anxious by nature and tends to get overstimulated easily. I usually keep him away from kids for that reason, but in the chaos of the day, I let my guard down.

At one point, before anyone could intervene, the baby startled my dog, and my dog reacted by biting him. It wasn't just a nip, either. It was a hard bite, and it left a mark. Thankfully, the injury wasn't severe, but it was enough to cause a lot of distress, especially for my cousin and her husband. My cousin was understandably upset, and while she tried to be civil about it, I could tell she was angry and hurt.

I feel so much guilt about the bite, but I'm also worried about what this means for our relationship moving forward and for my dog. I don't know how to make things right. Should I have done more to prevent the situation? How do I approach my cousin now and express how sorry I am without making things worse? -- Dog Bite

DEAR DOG BITE: Follow up with your cousin to make sure her son is OK. Apologize again for what happened. Assure her that in the future, you will put your dog on a leash or otherwise ensure that your dog is nowhere near the child when they visit.

Chances are, they won't be visiting anytime soon. In time, they might if you can guarantee that their child will be out of harm's way. Some people cage their dogs or shut them in another room when they have visitors.

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He's anxious by nature and tends to get overstimulated easily. I usually keep him away from kids for that reason, but in the chaos of the day, I let my guard down

"In the chaos of the day, I let my guard down"? They didn't just show up. You threw a party! You invited them over and you had no plans to contain your dog!

How do you make this right with your cousin? You call them up and take real responsibility. None of this "oh, it was chaotic" bullshit. Instead, you say "I screwed up. I should have confined my dog, and that was my mistake. It will never, ever happen again. In the future, I will always keep my dog in another room during parties", you offer to pay for any medical expenses, and you keep your word. LW should also make a plan to keep the dog muzzled in environments where they may be unpredictably ambushed by small children, and ideally should invest in dog training - and human training, because they absolutely missed about half a dozen warning signs. The dog has already shown it will bite a toddler, and hard enough to mark, and while that's on LW for putting it in that situation in the first place a little extra caution in the future will pay dividends. If nothing else, the sight of a muzzle on a dog will cause most parents to pull their kids away.

(Not that the parents are 100% in the clear here, because you should not be allowing your toddler close enough to somebody else's dog to get bit, especially in an overstimulating environment like a party, but LW is in no position to tell them that.)

The parents shouldn't be allowing their toddler in the danger zone, but did LW tell them that they usually keep the dog away from kids because he's anxious and can be reactive? Because I tend to think that warning would be enough for many parents (who wouldn't otherwise) to have kept them separated.

Edited 2025-06-17 22:17 (UTC)

LW should have absolutely told them "I shut my dog up in the other room because he doesn't like children" but because so many dog owners completely suck the parents should expect that LW will be no different and just automatically keep their toddler away from a dog. And all these adults need to educate themselves on what a stressed dog looks like because, again, that bite did not come out of nowhere. The dog almost definitely indicated "Yo! I am not happy! Get this child away from me!" before biting.

There's blame enough to go around.

It can be a lot of work keeping a toddler away from what the toddler wants.

At least LW cares. I was scarred by the letter where that LW casually mentioned her nephew would need reconstructive surgery in the middle of defending her wonderful sweet innocent dog.

It can be a lot of work keeping a toddler away from what the toddler wants.

If he's just started to walk, it's not as hard as it will be in a few more months.