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Wow, this family sucks
Dear Carolyn: I’m the youngest of five children, and throughout my whole life, my family members never cease to remind me of this in either a neutral or a derogatory way. Anytime I ask people to knock it off, they tell me I’m too sensitive and “you’ll always be the baby, so stop complaining.”
Now middle-aged, I have the average health problems of getting older. But instead of sympathy and understanding, I get: “You’re too young to have your knee replaced. Do you know how to get a second opinion?” “If you’re having back problems, then that must mean I’m REALLY old!” “How are you on blood pressure medicine already? You’re just a teenager.”
It’s bad enough my family doesn’t really know me as an adult. Yes, I’ve got friends and a (somewhat) understanding husband, but even on an information diet, my family cannot resist making a comment about my being the youngest. Where do I go from here, besides screaming?
— Everyone Else Got to Grow Up
Everyone Else Got to Grow Up: Into a social orbit that intersects less with theirs, I guess. And contains people less enamored of retelling the same dusty jokes. We all make these choices: See people at the cost of their standard annoying habits, or decide the cost is too high and choose not to see them (as much).
If you’re ready to go low(er) contact, then you always have the last-ditch option: pulling aside the most reasonable sibling to say, “I am so very, very fed up with baby-of-the-family jokes — enough to start skipping events. If you’re willing to quit these jokes and treat me like a regular person, then you will have my eternal gratitude.” Then wait. If you make progress there, then you can repeat the process with the next most reasonable sib. Oh — also, respond to every joke verbatim, and deadpan: “That joke is past retirement age.” Good luck.
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Now middle-aged, I have the average health problems of getting older. But instead of sympathy and understanding, I get: “You’re too young to have your knee replaced. Do you know how to get a second opinion?” “If you’re having back problems, then that must mean I’m REALLY old!” “How are you on blood pressure medicine already? You’re just a teenager.”
It’s bad enough my family doesn’t really know me as an adult. Yes, I’ve got friends and a (somewhat) understanding husband, but even on an information diet, my family cannot resist making a comment about my being the youngest. Where do I go from here, besides screaming?
— Everyone Else Got to Grow Up
Everyone Else Got to Grow Up: Into a social orbit that intersects less with theirs, I guess. And contains people less enamored of retelling the same dusty jokes. We all make these choices: See people at the cost of their standard annoying habits, or decide the cost is too high and choose not to see them (as much).
If you’re ready to go low(er) contact, then you always have the last-ditch option: pulling aside the most reasonable sibling to say, “I am so very, very fed up with baby-of-the-family jokes — enough to start skipping events. If you’re willing to quit these jokes and treat me like a regular person, then you will have my eternal gratitude.” Then wait. If you make progress there, then you can repeat the process with the next most reasonable sib. Oh — also, respond to every joke verbatim, and deadpan: “That joke is past retirement age.” Good luck.
Link
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Next time one of those boors decide to yuk it up, say "Well, I'm out" and leave the room, get on the bus, and go home. Don't answer any phone calls or texts for the next day. Do the same if they say you're "too sensitive" - hang up the phone, don't answer for the next day. The next time after that that you're invited to meet up, remind them before accepting that you don't appreciate the "baby" jokes now that you're old enough to be a grandparent, and you will leave as soon as one appears, and then do it.
It's hard to do at first, but it gets easier. And everybody sooner or later does learn. You can train a cat like this, and you can train your most irritating family members.
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Not advisable, and not the high road, but seriously tempting.
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I've had *doctors* say take this attitude with me who essentially refused to treat things because I was supposedly too young for it, and (spoiler alert) it has not made anything better as I age. Strength to LW, and full support on going low-contact if necessary, though I know it can be easier said than done.
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