Dear Abby: More Fun With Food

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, "Charlene," whom I met through a local charity organization. We have many things in common, including the fact that we're both retired, and we enjoy each other's company. Charlene is slim (not skinny), very energetic and fit for her age.

The problem is, it's impossible to share a meal with her. As soon as the food is served, Charlene starts a constant commentary about "how big the portions are" and how she "couldn't possibly eat" what is before her (it doesn't matter how little is on the plate). Often, she does actually eat most of her meal. Then the ongoing comments start about how she was such a pig, she won't be able to eat another thing all day.

I don't know if she thinks she's setting a good example (I am not slim), or if she has some psychological issues surrounding food. I am tired of this routine. Is there any way I can ask her to stop without hurting her feelings? -- SICK OF HEARING IT IN IDAHO

DEAR SICK: I can see how sitting through repeat performances of those refrains would get old fast. Of course there's a way to get her to stop. All you have to say is, "You know, when you say that, it prevents me from enjoying my meal, so please don't do it when you're with me."

Comments

[cereta]

This really resonates with me. I haven't had this exact issue, but I've had a similar one: women friends who were much smaller than me talking (and I mean really obsessively going on) about how much they need to lose weight. And, you know, I know they don't mean it that way, but I can't help thinking, "well, if you think you're so fat, what must you think of me?" I have a really hard time with confrontation, but even I was able to ask a roommate to at least cut down on that kind of talk around me. She didn't, but I at least tried.

I've also had meals...not exactly ruined, but the enjoyment lessened by the person at the next table going on and on about how unhealthy this or that food was, or in one case, how Americans were terrible about their "proportions" (it was all I could as I left not to stop and say, "portion. The word is portion.").

So, LW, I sympathize. I think Abby's advice is good, but be prepared to maybe find some other kind of activity to engage in with Charlene.

[korafox]

I do my darndest to keep body negativity in my own head because that shit is poisonous and I don't want to spread it to people around me (also for the reason you state above). If I ever slip up please feel entirely free to go "Oy!" and I will zip my trap.

Seconding your last sentence. Even if the LW says something to the friend, they're still going to be stressing over whether comments like that are upcoming whenever they have a meal with Charlene.

[cereta]

FTR, I have never heard anything like what I describe from you ;).

[minoanmiss]

Oh God, the Christines of society. At this point, on a good day, I can ignore their ostentatious virtue signalling and put my food into my fat face, but I can't even count how many not-so-good-days got torpedoed by this kind of thing at work or in social situations where I couldn't avoid this malarkey.

[lilysea]

Yes, back when I was well enough to work I would dread saying "no thanks" to workplace cake [the reason, which I didn't usually share, was because I have non-celiac gluten intolerance, and for me gluten = increased fatigue, increased migraine and increased muscle and joint pain].

because that would then trigger a cascade of remarks from my coworkers about how "good" I was being avoiding cake, and how bad *they* felt for eating cake.

And its like, nope, this has NOTHING to do with weight, I promise I am not judging what anyone else is eating, can't a fat woman just pass up cake without everyone having to start doing a virtue-signalling dance at her.

The same thing happened if I passed up sugary lollies (again, because lots of sugar at once = migraine trigger for me.)

In hindsight, maybe I should have just accepted the damn cake/lollies and then surreptitiously chucked it in the rubbish bin...

[minoanmiss]

That is so awful on so many levels -- assumptions, disbelief, nauseating virtue signaling. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

[fairestcat]

My wife likes to say, "it's pizza, not genocide," when anyone starts on this kind of thing.

This kind of negative self-talk about food really gets to me and we have a hard-and-fast household rule that we don't allow it from each other or any guests. Holding that boundary at home has made it easier for me to enforce it when out with family and friends.