I do think Carolyn is right that there are incompatible styles here. I have friends in both camps.
But it's hard sometimes to tell the difference between people who feel a bond with you but only call when they have something specific to say or to make a date or if they need you, and people who are just oblivious to your existence and don't really care if they stay in touch or not.
I felt like Carolyn's answer was kind to the person while also explaining the difference.
To me there is a giant gulf between the "cultivate the friendship thoughtfully always" group and the "I know you are there for me even if lots of time passes" styles. A gulf as big as Ask Versus Guess.
When I went through a long period of time where I was consumed with parents' illness I was grateful that my friends didn't take it personally that I dropped out. They understood and resumed our contact when I was able. There doesn't seem to be a crisis like that in this letter, but still. Also another factor that's not present in this letter is what happens when a friend has kids. I had at least one friend who was totally disappointed in what happened to our friendship with my kids were babies. My bandwidth was just gone for just about everyone, but she wasn't sympathetic at all. Our friendship survived but it was different.
The commenter who was dropped via LJ.... wow that is so stupid that a person would use one solitary LJ post as the cutoff. Very harsh and unrealistic.
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But it's hard sometimes to tell the difference between people who feel a bond with you but only call when they have something specific to say or to make a date or if they need you, and people who are just oblivious to your existence and don't really care if they stay in touch or not.
I felt like Carolyn's answer was kind to the person while also explaining the difference.
To me there is a giant gulf between the "cultivate the friendship thoughtfully always" group and the "I know you are there for me even if lots of time passes" styles. A gulf as big as Ask Versus Guess.
When I went through a long period of time where I was consumed with parents' illness I was grateful that my friends didn't take it personally that I dropped out. They understood and resumed our contact when I was able. There doesn't seem to be a crisis like that in this letter, but still. Also another factor that's not present in this letter is what happens when a friend has kids. I had at least one friend who was totally disappointed in what happened to our friendship with my kids were babies. My bandwidth was just gone for just about everyone, but she wasn't sympathetic at all. Our friendship survived but it was different.
The commenter who was dropped via LJ.... wow that is so stupid that a person would use one solitary LJ post as the cutoff. Very harsh and unrealistic.