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Dear Pay Dirt,
My brother settled a lawsuit, netting him around $300,000 in a lump sum plus additional monthly payments for life. Out of the blue, he gifted me $5,000 from his settlement. Subsequently, we had a falling out, leading me to not attend his daughter’s wedding. His wife then texted me that they would prefer that I return their gift. I would be more comfortable burning the money than returning it. I do not foresee a reconciliation with my brother. Is there a moral argument in favor of me returning the gift?
—Hanging By Attached String
Dear Hanging,
In my book, a gift is a gift. You can’t place strings like this on a gift. If the family is upset because you, I don’t know, sabotaged the wedding with a swarm of killer bees, that might be a different story. But assuming that’s not the case, keep the money. It’s unfortunate that the two of you have had a falling out. If you feel you’ve done something terribly wrong, giving him the money back might be a good faith gesture. But it’s unlikely that a few thousand dollars will stand in the way of the two of you ever speaking again, if there is any chance of that happening.
Send a firm but polite response to his wife with something like, “I hope we can put this all behind us someday, but this was a gift, and I intend to keep it.” If that feels uncomfortable or you’re worried about them pushing the issue, you could tell them the money has already been put to use, and leave it at that. Whatever you do, don’t burn that money. And, hopefully, you won’t burn a permanent bridge with your brother, either.
Link
My brother settled a lawsuit, netting him around $300,000 in a lump sum plus additional monthly payments for life. Out of the blue, he gifted me $5,000 from his settlement. Subsequently, we had a falling out, leading me to not attend his daughter’s wedding. His wife then texted me that they would prefer that I return their gift. I would be more comfortable burning the money than returning it. I do not foresee a reconciliation with my brother. Is there a moral argument in favor of me returning the gift?
—Hanging By Attached String
Dear Hanging,
In my book, a gift is a gift. You can’t place strings like this on a gift. If the family is upset because you, I don’t know, sabotaged the wedding with a swarm of killer bees, that might be a different story. But assuming that’s not the case, keep the money. It’s unfortunate that the two of you have had a falling out. If you feel you’ve done something terribly wrong, giving him the money back might be a good faith gesture. But it’s unlikely that a few thousand dollars will stand in the way of the two of you ever speaking again, if there is any chance of that happening.
Send a firm but polite response to his wife with something like, “I hope we can put this all behind us someday, but this was a gift, and I intend to keep it.” If that feels uncomfortable or you’re worried about them pushing the issue, you could tell them the money has already been put to use, and leave it at that. Whatever you do, don’t burn that money. And, hopefully, you won’t burn a permanent bridge with your brother, either.
Link