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DEAR ABBY: My husband has a female friend he grew up with. They have exchanged "happy birthday" texts for many years. However, they have recently begun texting more often. An example: One night he was mixing a drink and texted her about whether to use Pepsi or Coke.
On his birthday, I watched for her text and saw it had two heart emojis on either side of her message. This bothered me a great deal, and I told him his flirting via texting needed to stop. He says I'm being unreasonable and he is doing nothing wrong. This has caused a rift between us.
Abby, AM I unreasonable? I did see a therapist who said my husband has an emotional relationship with this woman and I had every right to be upset. The therapist also said he should stop because I am his wife and he sees how much this upsets me. My husband's response? "Well, you told the therapist YOUR side of the story." We have been married 18 years and together for 24. He is a good partner, and I do love him. What is your advice? -- SUSPICIOUS IN IOWA
DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Your husband had a point when he said your therapist has heard only one side of the story. You have been married to a "good partner" for 18 years and together for 24. If your husband hasn't shown signs of straying before, it's unlikely he's doing anything more than communicating with an old friend. Hearts included in a text message may seem effusive, but they aren't necessarily declarations of romantic love. Some joint sessions with an unbiased marriage and family therapist may help to calm your fears. I heartily recommend it.
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On his birthday, I watched for her text and saw it had two heart emojis on either side of her message. This bothered me a great deal, and I told him his flirting via texting needed to stop. He says I'm being unreasonable and he is doing nothing wrong. This has caused a rift between us.
Abby, AM I unreasonable? I did see a therapist who said my husband has an emotional relationship with this woman and I had every right to be upset. The therapist also said he should stop because I am his wife and he sees how much this upsets me. My husband's response? "Well, you told the therapist YOUR side of the story." We have been married 18 years and together for 24. He is a good partner, and I do love him. What is your advice? -- SUSPICIOUS IN IOWA
DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Your husband had a point when he said your therapist has heard only one side of the story. You have been married to a "good partner" for 18 years and together for 24. If your husband hasn't shown signs of straying before, it's unlikely he's doing anything more than communicating with an old friend. Hearts included in a text message may seem effusive, but they aren't necessarily declarations of romantic love. Some joint sessions with an unbiased marriage and family therapist may help to calm your fears. I heartily recommend it.
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But! The LW's therapist is just one person, and doesn't have the right to unilaterally decide things for both partners.
So if LW feels it's cheating emotionally, and isn't being heard, then she needs to decide what she wants to do about it. *Is* it worth cutting him off? Is it worth ending the marriage over? Is he still a good partner other than this issue? If so, does it outweigh everything else? I wouldn't say so, but I'm not jealous in this way, and I'm not feeling shut out in this way.
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