(no subject)

[conuly]

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When my older brother told our parents he was taking a gap year between high school and college they weren’t thrilled, but they went along with it. Turns out he found a great job he really liked during that gap year and never went on to college. Last year he used his college savings fund to put a downpayment on a house, which also made my parents nuts, but which I thought was a smart move.

I have been telling my parents I also want to take a gap year after I graduate high school this spring. I’m in an IB (international baccalaureate) program and will also be taking four AP tests in May. I have been doing extremely well so far this school year and am confident I will earn the AP credits. Besides which, I will be leaving high school with an IB degree. All of this means I will have basically done at least my first year of college by the time I graduate high school.

Because my brother never went to college, my parents say I can’t take a gap year. They seem to forget that I am very different from my brother and fully intend to attend and graduate from college. I just need a break, and I think I have earned one these last three and a half years.

I have already had early acceptance decisions to my two top picks. One of them told me there is no problem with a gap year deferment, and the other said they would make a final decision on a deferment when they see my final semester grades.

What can I do to convince my parents I am going to go to college? I just need a break. --- NEED A BREAK

DEAR NEED A BREAK: IB programs are famously demanding, and you’ve done well to succeed in one thus far. It’s not difficult to see that you’d likely benefit from some time off before diving into college.

Hopefully when you’re discussing your plans with your parents you’re offering some specifics on what you’re looking to accomplish during your time out of school, how you’re going to afford it, and precisely how you intend to get back on track with your studies after your batteries are recharged.

Giving them a clear outline of your gameplan might help them understand your continued commitment to your education.

One thing you will want to investigate if you haven’t yet is what happens to any scholarships or financial aid packages that are part of your early decision offers. Your parents could rightly be concerned that by asking for an admissions deferment you’ll possibly lose critical funding, which would naturally play into their reluctance to green light your gap year.

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Comments

[conuly]

Brother took a year off and is now gainfully employed in a job he loves and is buying a house... and his parents will never, ever forgive him.

Which makes me wonder about their priorities, frankly, but they're not the ones asking for advice! LW will be an adult, or nearly an adult, when they graduate high school. What they need to understand, right now, is that their parents cannot force them to attend college. But if they're going to do this without the parental okay they really need to have some plan for what they'll do with the time.

(I don't quite get the impression that LW thinks the parents will try to force the issue by kicking them out or anything like that, but nevertheless, some form of employment would be a good idea if they're taking a break from school. Perhaps an internship, which is hopefully paid and also school-adjacent?)

[resonant]

Agreed! Late high school is an age where both the kid and the parents are going to have trouble making a transition in thinking. The parents may be wording it as "You can't take a gap year," but if you look at what they can actually DO, it's going to be somewhere in the range from

mild end: "If you're not in college next year, we're going to grouse about it constantly, but nothing else is going to change."

extreme end: "If you're not in college next year, we're done providing food, shelter, or any other support, and when you ARE ready for college, we're not paying for it."

So the LW likewise needs to make plans that are somewhere in the range from

mild end: "Make a specific proposal that requires specific things from my parents, and negotiate."

extreme end: "OK, you do you, Brother has already agreed I can live with him since my job will cover half the rent and utilities."

[princessofgeeks]

Way to not answer the question, advice columnist!

[castiron]

Coincidentally, I was just at a presentation by a high school counselor who said that high school graduates who take gap years are less likely to continue into college, but that the ones who do continue generally have a specific plan for both the year and for college afterward.

But in any case, LW, you're about to be an adult. Stop asking "how do I get my parents to approve of a gap year?" You can take the gap year! Ask instead "What are the consequences if my parents disapprove of a gap year, and can I live with those consequences? If I can't, what are other ways that I could get a mental break before college?"

[minoanmiss]

i FEEL bad for LW that their parents can't see the kid in front of them but if I knew how to get parents to do so my life would be very different.