John Hodgeman accidentally gives real advice in the mostly-humor column

[conuly]

Link

Jim writes: We recently remodeled our kitchen, and my 10-year-old son wrote, “Are you eating cereal?” on the new countertop in invisible ink. We can’t see it unless we shine a UV light on the area. But I don’t think he should draw on any part of the house. He should also have additional cleaning chores for two weeks.

There’s probably a way to remove that invisible ink, but before you erase your son’s message forever, consider two things: 1) This is a good joke. He got one over on you in a clever and harmless way, and I think you should honor that more than punish. And 2) Time moves in one direction. In less than a decade, that counter will still be around — along with all the dings and stains it will inevitably accrue — but your son, like my own once-child, will be off to live his own life. Then no one will care if you are eating cereal. And then you will be desperately UV-lighting up everything in the house, looking for memories and watering that counter with the universal solvent: dad tears.

Comments

[conuly]

I cannot believe this man, Jim, wants to give this kid two weeks of additional chores for something that could be remedied with some rubbing alcohol and elbow grease. And who, exactly, is going to be enforcing and supervising these extra chores? I'll bet it's not Jim!

Let the punishment fit the crime - have the kid clean up the mess and ding his allowance for half the cost of the alcohol wipes or whatever. There's no need to drag this out.

[mrissa]

Not all invisible inks come off with rubbing alcohol, but how did they even find out that it was there? If you can't see it without UV light, just...don't shine UV light on it? I have never shone UV light on my kitchen counters. I've lived in this house for 21 years, and they could have the entirety of Finnegans Wake written on them for all I know.

[conuly]

Maybe they like to use a UV sanitizer.

[bikergeek]

how did they even find out that it was there?

They're neo-hippies who put a blacklight poster up in the kitchen? Threw a body-painting party with glow-in-the-dark body paint? CSI cosplay involving Luminol?

(yes, I'm being exceedingly silly)

[full_metal_ox]

Or trying to discover their Blaschko lines—-to think that you might be tabby! or checkerboard! or half-and-half! and not get to experience it! (Of course, if we could see Blaschko lines, that’d be just another pretext for social typecasting, the beauty industry’s flaw-picking, and infidelity accusations—-and by the way, does your patterning include a star on your belly (and is that still a Cool People marker, or did that change last Tuesday?))

Less facetiously: they may have an incontinent pet and/or relative to clean up after. Or they may be vigilant against the pee trails that rodents leave (the UV fluorescence of pee trails turns out to be a major way that even diurnal aerial predators detect rodent prey.)

[conuly]

Most likely, the kid told them himself, which raises the possibility that he didn’t write anything and just said he did.

[melannen]

Likely, the invisible ink set came with a UV light, and he showed it off to them, which makes me even less inclined to punish. This is "give a stern talking-to about not doing it again and why" territory at most.

[conuly]

Seriously, why belabor it? (Again I will state, this is because LW's not the one who expects to have to enforce and supervise this.)