Care & Feeding: I'm Worried This Year's Thanksgiving Trip Could Be Deadly

[minoanmiss]

Content advisory: pregnancy, political peril.

I am 38, 7-weeks pregnant with twins, and have one 2-year-old. I had a complicated pregnancy and delivery with my son. I live in a blue state where abortion is legal at all stages of a pregnancy. My parents live in a bordering state where abortion is banned at 6 weeks. It’s a 3-hour drive to my parents from our city and about a 1.5-hour drive from their house to the border with our state. I’m supposed to visit them for Thanksgiving (my brother and his family are also flying in from another state) when I will be approximately 12 weeks pregnant. I also have my company holiday party in December in a state across the country where abortion is banned at 15 weeks. I will be exactly 15 weeks pregnant at the time of that trip.

In both cases, I’m terrified of traveling to states where abortion is prohibited during a high-risk geriatric pregnancy with twins. From my parents’ house, my husband could drive us to the border quickly (within 1.5 hours) if there’s an emergency. From the state I’m flying to, it’s a 2.5-hour drive to the nearest state with no abortion bans. I’m not sure if we’re getting a rental car yet. Should I even go on these trips? Am I being overdramatic? I’m just concerned if I have a medical emergency, I won’t be able to get the lifesaving care I need.

—Pregnant and Scared

Dear Pregnant and Scared,

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You aren’t being overdramatic at all. With the overturning of Roe v. Wade and the rise of restrictive laws on the state level, women are dying due to a lack of access to reproductive health care. As far as your holiday party goes, I would definitely skip it. Anything can happen, and the abortion ban in that state can prevent you from getting the treatment you may need, even if it’s not a matter of terminating the pregnancy. With regards to your trip to see your parents this Thanksgiving, they may live 1.5 hours from the border, but how close is the nearest hospital once you cross? And what kind of reputation does that hospital have? I think you should factor that into your decision. Your parents might be four or five hours away from the sort of institution you’d need to go to for care. Carrying multiples is already higher risk than being pregnant with one child, and you’ve already had a complicated pregnancy before. I think the best thing for you to do for your piece of mind, and the health of you and your babies, would be to stay put until after you give birth. Perhaps your parents can come visit you this year instead.

Comments

[minoanmiss]

I feel like I want to apologize to LW that this country is in such a horrendous state that she has to worry about this. And I am incredulous that no one else in her life seems to have thought about it.

[topaz_eyes]

The problem is that LW's family, friends, and workers don't have to think about it. They'd better start thinking about it now that LW plans to kibosh any and every holiday or event in red states for the foreseeable future.

(Oh who am I kidding, we know what they'll think...) :-(

[carbonel]

There was an episode of Grey's Anatomy a year or so ago that dealt with a scenario along these lines. Things did not go well. LW should definitely stay home.

[full_metal_ox]

This Thanksgiving trip could yield three corpses and a two-year-old left motherless, and yet U.S. Christian Nationalism insists that their religion doesn’t practice human sacrifice.

[matsushima]

That was my thought, too.

I guess I'm not surprised that her workplace didn't think about it - they might not even know she's pregnant yet and I bet the red state where they have the holiday party is the company HQ or something - but I am disappointed that her parents didn't consider traveling to her place for Thanksgiving this year.

I agree with Care and Feeding and the commenters here: don't go.

[lannamichaels]

DO NOT GO DO NOT GO DO NOT GO.

Best case scenario, the LW spends the entire time absolutely terrified of things going wrong at the worst time. There's no way the LW would actually enjoy this experience at all.

And the work holiday party? That's a question more for AAM, who would ask the LW if they felt the HR is at all competant and suggest pushing back on it with a group.

[adrian_turtle]

I strongly agree with that DO NOT GO. Of course she should stay home to protect her health and safety. Sorry, colleagues, I'm not well enough for that kind of trip. You folks have fun, maybe next year. If it was a business meeting, she might need to go to HR to ask about accommodations. AAM might have advice about whether to disclose the pregnancy at work and say she's worried about abortion laws, or just say it's a health problem. Some kinds of ear infection make it unsafe to fly for weeks afterward, I think. Or just say she has a high-risk pregnancy and needs to stay close to home. Some people with high risk pregnancies stay on bed rest for crying out loud! Traveling across the country, all by itself, is a challenge for some pregnancies and it's not unreasonable for her to not do it.

[ashbet]

Yeah, "I'm pregnant with twins, it's a high-risk pregnancy, and it's not safe for me to travel" should hopefully be enough for work. Assuming it's safe for her to disclose her pregnancy at a relatively early stage, that is -- I know people who didn't disclose at work until much closer to delivery.

But I hate, HATE that this has to be a consideration for LW :(

(As someone whose pregnancy complications DID require bedrest, I'm incredibly sympathetic to not being up for travel, even without the understandable abortion/pregnancy care fears!)

[adrian_turtle]

There are situations where there might be some value in a group pushing back on this plan, but I doubt this is one of them. I suspect it's a company with multiple offices, that is having the big holiday party at headquarters. Much as I love Boston, asking a Texas company to relocate here is a lot.

[movingfinger]

Even without the political complications, she is completely justified in not traveling! The stress, the exposure to illness, all of the lifting and carrying, my goodness.

"I can't travel this year. Have a lovely time without me! Can we do a FaceTime during the event so I can say hello to everyone?" should serve for all occasions. If the parents and family are pissy, well, that's good information to have.

[edenfalling]

This! So much this.

[starfleetbrat]

yeah LW should not travel imo.

I'm not sure how it works in the US, but maybe LW could talk to her doctor and officially get a non-travel advisement. "My doctor has advised me not to travel due to a high risk pregnancy" might help if the company tries to insist she travel.

[conuly]

I mean, LW could just claim that Doc says that.

[starfleetbrat]

I guess was thinking some companies might require documentation

[conuly]

Documentation from a heavily pregnant person not to travel to attend a holiday party? If they're that obsessive about the holiday party it's time to look for a new job. Like, seriously.

[conuly]

Not that heavily pregnant, but still. If they want documentation for anybody to get out of attending a holiday party somewhere else, they're obviously drunk with power and LW needs to find someplace more chill to work. Unless their parental leave policies are just amazing, I mean.

[sushiflop]

Workplace socializing can be nightmarish enough without the specter of death via pregnancy complications looming over it. If the company culture is not completely horrifying, LW won't be the only person sitting the party out.

I definitely agree she shouldn't go for Thanksgiving either, the cross-country workplace party is just particularly boggling to me.

[jadelennox]

This is not a remotely difficult decision? (Practically, I mean, as opposed to emotionally and grief-wise.)

1. You stay home.
2. You don't have to provide reasons.
3. If you do have to provide reasons, you just say "my doctor has advised me not to travel at this time." In a high-risk pregnancy it's probably good advice to stay near your own gyno, regardless of politics, anyway!

[lokifan]

God, this is such an awful debate to have. It's so sad to see it come to the US so soon after it ended here in Britain for a lot of us who were visiting Ireland or NI.

[oursin]

While not wanting to spread alarm and despondency, I should pass it on that Scotland is not at all great for late term abortions perfectly legal under the Act and women have been having to go to England for several years now to access them.

[lokifan]

Oh. That is good to know. But oh man... :(