I think there's a bigger problem here

[oursin]

You be the judge: should my husband stop smuggling his hip flask into the theatre where I work?

Ellen: Rog doesn’t get drunk in the theatre, but my reputation could suffer if he’s seen taking a swig
I work in a theatre and get free tickets to a lot of shows. But every time I bring my husband Rog, we have the same discussion about him sneaking in his hip flask.
I love Rog, and I like how he’s good at smuggling drinks into festivals and events. He’s very good at making things fun and helping us save money, but I’d rather not have him be known as “the guy with the hip flask” at my place of work. Every time I take him to a show, Rog wants to bring in “Mr Aspinal”, a little flask in a leather case.
I’m not worried about his drinking – he likes a drink socially and I suppose the theatre is a social occasion for him. Rog says he has an emotional attachment to Mr Aspinal because it was a wedding present from his best man, but I don’t think that justifies it. It’s embarrassing. There are also often free drinks at press nights anyway, so it’s unnecessary.
It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t work in theatre, but when we’re attending a press night, or we’re with people we know, I want to make a good impression. I’ve just started a job at a new theatre and I don’t want friends and colleagues to think we are cheap. I feel it’s reasonable to ask that Mr Aspinal stays at home.
When Rog and I first started dating, I took him to see Waiting For Godot at a theatre festival in Wales. Throughout the play I heard him opening tinnies. It was quite jarring, but because it was early days, I didn’t say anything.
Eight years later, we are now married and things have progressed to the hip flask. It’s more discreet than opening a can of beer, but I just can’t bear the thought of him sneaking drinks into my theatre and someone seeing him.
In my wedding speech, I said Rog brings the fun, that he’s the “chief entertainment officer” in our relationship. I love him for that, but it would distract from my work and affect my reputation if people saw him take a hip flask out and take a swig from it during a performance. I’d really like the backing of Guardian readers on this matter.

The defence,Rog:
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to bring out a hip flask in the theatre. Mr Aspinal is very classy and very demure. He’s in a leather pouch and I think he’s very civilised. Everyone used to have a hip flask back in the day. It was like wearing a trilby – it’s a sign of days gone by.
I’m very lucky to be Ellen’s plus-one to the theatre. I’ve seen some great productions. I take Mr Aspinal along with me because with a hip flask you can just have a little nip here and there. You don’t have to wait until after the show.
I want to emphasise that I buy drinks in the theatre as well. I would always buy a glass of wine, even when I’ve got Mr Aspinal. It’s not as though I’m trying to cheat the arts sector out of drinks money. I’m also responsible with my drinking: I’m a serious professional – a teacher – and I’d never get drunk at these events. But it’s nice to have your own little pouch of booze. I usually fill Mr Aspinal up with whisky or rum, but mezcal is my favourite. Mr Aspinal has great sentimental value to me, because it was a gift from my best man when I married Ellen.
When it comes to the tinnies I took to a show on one of our early dates, I didn’t realise it was a faux pas, but I was teased later on. On reflection, the can-opening noise was quite loud and I admit it was the wrong thing to do. I wouldn’t do that now.
But I do ask Ellen each time she invites me if I can bring the hip flask. She keeps saying no. So far I have never gone against Ellen’s wishes. The last thing I want to do is make her feel uncomfortable, or feel as if she’s jeopardising her professional reputation.
But the bigger issue is why she cares about the opinions of others. Strangers shouldn’t care about me bringing a hip flask in. And as long as I’m not making a fool out of myself, Ellen shouldn’t care either.
I don’t think we should be so worried about the judgment of others. Saying that, I am interested to see if readers agree with me.

Is this not so much an issue of appropriate etiquette as Rog being completely in denial over his drink problem?

Comments

[redbird]

Some of the selected comments agree with you. Also, I noticed that all the readers seem to agree with Ellen, not just the ones who point to Rog being in denial about his problem.

[topaz_eyes]

I’m a serious professional – a teacher – and I’d never get drunk at these events.

Rog is in denial about his drinking problem all right. Someone should ask Rog if he takes Mr Aspinal with him to class. (I would hope not.) And if he says no because it's inappropriate, then ask why is he okay with taking outside alcohol to his wife's workplace.

[green_grrl]

This is the correct advice. Wife’s work functions aren’t a social event, they are her. Work. Functions.

[taimatsu]

I generally don’t like the giving of names to inanimate everyday objects and speaking of them as people, but turns out I find it ESPECIALLY off-putting when the object is alcohol-associated. Hmm.

I think the treating of ‘Mr Aspinal’ as a little friend in his pocket is likely part of the clear problem the gentleman has.

[full_metal_ox]

Moreover, it’s pretty clear that he’s installed his semi-personified Booze Binky as part of his identity: a dashing, archaic, and engagingly eccentric character signature.

Once that’s happened, any questioning of the trait—-no matter how stupid, destructive, or demonstrably untrue—-will feel like a personal attack.

[ysobel]

"The last thing I want to do is make her feel uncomfortable" ...says the dude unwilling to go an evening without his alcoholic security blanket.

And it matters what people think because a) it's her job, not just a social event, and b) whether or not she "should" care, she does.

[magid]

... and despite all of those 'no's, he continues to ask, Every Single Time.
He's gotten her answer, she shouldn't have to repeat herself.

[conuly]

Ellen, honey, if your husband can’t sit through a two and a half hour performance without booze then there is nothing social or fun about his drinking!

But nothing will improve so long as she’s enabling him in his serious denial.

[mrissa]

Probably it is a sign of how completely unfun I am that I would run--possibly screaming, silently if it seemed like it would help me make a clean escape--from anyone described as the Chief Entertainment Officer or as the person who "brings the fun." Even aside from all of this, about which the rest of you have all been abundantly correct.

[full_metal_ox]

Maybe it’s been your experience that a lot of self-designated Funbringers want to enforce their idea of fun?

[mrissa]

"Oh come onnnnn, it'll be funnnn" = the death-knell of actual fun, yes.

[oursin]

'He's the life and soul of the party!'

[jack]

On the one hand, as a lot of people said, Ellen knows best about her work and Rog should listen to her and not keep pushing her boundaries!

On the other hand, I've known a few people who needed to drink, but it didn't cause any problem OTHER than that. They weren't irresponsible or violent or flaky or anything else. It's possible if they both admitted the addiction was a concern but not a disaster they might be about to think about what to do, there might be options other than "do nothing" or "be incredibly ashamed and try to quit completely forever and admit everything was your fault"