LW, you are way out of line

[conuly]

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend and I are professional ballerinas, and we've been dancing together since high school. We've been through so much together -- the long rehearsals, the endless auditions, the excitement of landing roles and the disappointments. Ballet has been a huge part of our lives, and we've always shared that passion.

Recently, my friend dropped a bombshell: She wants to quit ballet. Ballet has been her life for as long as I can remember, so when she told me she's thinking about leaving it all behind, I was shocked. Her reason is that she didn't get the lead role in our most recent show, which she has been working her whole career to get. I know how much she wanted that part and that it was a big disappointment for her, but it breaks my heart to think one setback might cause her to give up something she's been so dedicated to for all these years. I wonder if she's just reacting out of frustration and hurt in the moment. I've seen how much ballet means to her, and I can't imagine her life without it. How can I convince her to not give up her career and keep dancing? -- Quitter

DEAR QUITTER: Be a good listener right now. Let your friend experience the emotional crisis she is in without judgment. She is smarting from this loss. In time, she may realize this does not have to be a defining moment. If not, this could mark a turning point for her. She must decide. Don't try to convince her of anything. Just love her.

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Comments

[conuly]

I'm not sure why, exactly, LW is so invested in this friend's choice to quit ballet, but maybe they need to sit for a while and figure out why that is.

[matsushima]

If I had to guess, I'd say LW doesn't know how to be friends with this person outside of ballet. LW might not know how to have friends outside of ballet, period. (I don't dance but I've heard it's all-consuming if you're a professional.)

[lokifan]

Yeah, absolutely. Which I sympathise with - this is her best friend and she's like 'but how will we be friends without ballet tying us together?', ofc that's scary - but also sheesh. Hope LW takes the advice.

[lilysea]

because if friend quits ballet

then LW might have to think hard about whether or not ***LW*** should quit ballet.

It's like how people who smoke/drink don't like it when their friends quit - because it forces them to re-evaluate their own lives.

It may be that ballet is a good fit for LW - but it may also be that LW is lying to herself about the costs and benefits of ballet in her own life.

[conuly]

Yes, that's what I was getting at.