WTF is this advice.

[conuly]

DEAR ABBY: Seventeen years ago, I had a mental breakdown. For the first three years afterward, my husband stood by me. The medications I was prescribed caused me to gain more than 100 pounds. I have tried diets, to no avail. I suggested to him that maybe we could hold each other and see where it led us. His reply was, "I'm no longer attracted to you. You knew when we married that I wasn't attracted to larger (fat) women." Since then, I no longer respect or value him. He has his room, and I have mine on the other side of the house. We do absolutely nothing together.

When he comes to my bedroom, he doesn't knock. When I need to go through his room, I always knock. He said, "This is my house, too, and I don't knock." I can't stand his arrogant ways. I still have to pretend we are married, but I don't feel it. He calls me "baby." I have expressed that I have no interest in pretending and have asked him to stop calling me that.

I'm on a fixed income. All of my retirement money is invested in this home and property. I pay all the bills. We haven't had sex in 14 years. I'm lonely for male companionship. I don't know how much longer I can live this way, even though he didn't leave when I really needed him. Please advise. -- NUMB IN ALABAMA

DEAR NUMB: It has been 17 years since you were prescribed the medications you have been taking, and there may have been improvements made in the intervening years. Contact the doctor who prescribed them and ask whether there is something newer that would allow you to lose some of the weight you haven't been able to lose. It may help if you explain what those meds have done to the state of your marriage.

If adjusting your medication is not possible, you will have to decide how important male companionship is to you, because you may have to find it elsewhere. Consult an attorney and ask what you would wind up with if the house were sold and the money was split. After that, you may be in a better position to explore your options.

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Comments

[conuly]

The trouble is not the medication and the weight gain, Abby!

The problem is that this marriage has been over for more than a decade. LW does not respect Husband, he does not respect her. We know he doesn't respect her because even though they're living like roommates he barges into her room without knocking and gets defensive when told he should knock.

LW needs to divorce, take her share of the community property, and downsize to somewhere the bills are cheaper.

[lokifan]

SERIOUSLY.

Even by the standards of fatphobic bad advice, this is mad. She can't stand him! Even if he wasn't being a dick to her, SHE CAN'T STAND HIM, what the hell is the point of trying to help her get him back???

[cimorene]

Just jaw-droppingly bad advice. Wow...

[ashbet]

What the fffff—!!!!

[minoanmiss]

Reading this has taken time off my lifespan.

[topaz_eyes]

Hey Abby, this isn't a "LW is fat" problem, this is a "LW's husband is a fatphobic asshole" problem. Abby needs to get over her own fatphobia before she's allowed to answer any more letters.

[angelofthenorth]

Hmmmm. Change meds, dispose of the garbage, and find love and respect elsewhere.

[julian]

So aside from all the fatphobic bullshit, we have this:

"I'm on a fixed income. All of my retirement money is invested in this home and property. I pay all the bills."

...Why? What on earth? Why is this the arrangement? How can you fix it, tout suite?

[firecat]

WHAT.

I am speechless.

What have the meds done to this advice columnist? I hope there are some updated meds she can go on. She might be able to lose an entire attic of bigotry.

[cereta]

It's not the meds. It's the fat. I've seen Abby completely fail to answer LWs' question in her zeal to point out that fat is bad.

[conuly]

Husband was always this person, though. And I could maaaaaaaybe give him a pass on his sexual attraction if he didn’t act like this over the simple request that he knocks before going in her room.

[firecat]

Same, for decades. It’s just too bad there’s no med for fat hate.

[movingfinger]

IANAL but if she owned the house before they married, it is not community property!

[conuly]

Presumably a lawyer is a lawyer and can explain that.

[melannen]

The fact that LW feels like she has no option other than to "pretend" to stay married, and seems to be full financial support for her husband while not having any ability to keep her own savings, make me think there's horrible depths here the letter barely touches on. It may be more complicated if LW's fixed income has asset limits and selling the house would mean losing benefits but it's still doable and worth it to get out.

LW, you've got 150+ pounds of useless dead meat that you can get rid of with a lawyer, not a diet, and it's probably negatively affecting your health in all sorts of ways you haven't even connected yet. Deal with that first, then worry about your appearance if you really want to.